Living Life as a Snowflake

Happy 4th Birthday

2009-08-06T20:08:00.005-05:00

We have three dogs in our family, Bella, Buddie & Skyra. We love them all very much. They all have different personalities and make us laugh all the time. Many times they make us frustrated also with their behavior. My baby, Skyra, has a special place in my heart that I can't put into words. She is my personal therapy dog. She is by my side all the time. We lay on the floor together and watch tv. Of course she loves all the shows I do. She shares my food, bed and anything else she wants. Today Skyra turns 4!!!! Unfortunatley for her and all of us in the family the gift she has gotten is a diagnoses of cancer. I haven't been able to get this sinking feeling out of the pit of my stomach. I have cried more than I can say and can't seem to put myself together. Am I crazy for feeling like this over a pet. I will argue with anyone who says yes. When we decided to take on the responsibilites of having pets, our furry family members, we took this job very seriously. Now as a family we have some decisions to make on how to care for Skyra now. I don't have all the answers on what to do right now but I'm hoping when I take Skyra in next week to have her sutures out from her surgery I will get more information to help me be a bit calmer. I'm not good at loss. No matter who it is. Animal or human it is hard to deal when someone leaves your life. For now I will just hug on her and get all the doggie kisses I can get.

Times are Changing

2009-07-06T10:08:00.005-05:00

I haven't been on here in over 6 months. I have become obsessed with Facebook. It is so easy to keep up with everyone at a time. So may changes going on at my house & life. Some big ones thanks to Facebook. Making some connections with family that have gone off the radar. So nice to be able to reconnect. I have a niece that I haven't seen in at least 15 years due to some crappy circumstances but we have been talking for a while now and she will be coming out to my house in a couple weeks. My boy has graduated from 8th grade and is now going to be a Freshman in high school.(Pic is of Mitchell & best friend Nick) Where does the time go. I have now become a "Football Mom". Basketball has been put on the back burner. Braces are going to become a part of Mitchell's life in a few weeks. Life with my hubby is good. We have been so busy we forget to take some time for ourselves. I haven't forgotten about my MS friends. I do try and at least read everyones blog. My MS is in standby mode I would say. Not really showing its ugly head but there enough for me to not take it for granted. I still haven't been able to get my memory back to the way it was but that is ok. It is my reminder that I have a disease. But I do know there are people out there dealing with it much worse than I. I still watch my baby friend and he makes me laugh and realize how precious life is. Not that my own son doesn't do that but when you have an 11 month old think you are the greatest and a 14 year old that still at times thinks I know nothing, I want to be around the 11 month old. :) I have learned in the past months that having my house spotless clean isn't all that important. Spending time with family, friends and people is more about what life is. A couple weeks back my eyes were opened to realizing how life is passing and not to take a moment for granted. One of my 4 brothers has had to go to the hospital and have two stints put into one artery. I am actually taking him again today for more. I have learned a lot from going to my church about change and that it is a good thing. Sometimes I have a hard time with that. I have learned who my true friends are and who steps up when times are hard. Life is good right now because I have my eyes wide open and I am learning. I will still make mistakes, big ones at that, but I will keep my eyes open for the experiences that everything will bring.

New Season of Our Life

2009-01-08T18:02:00.002-06:00

Tonight I will be going to the local high school in our town to hear our first orientation for the incoming Freshman of 2009. Where has the time gone? Where is the little boy that used to sit on my lap and cuddle? Wait, he still does that at 5'10" 180 pounds of solid boy. The boy who once listened to my every word with eyes wide open like I was the smartest person in the entire world. I have totally taken my time with my son for granted. The worst part is I can't get any of it back. The best part is that I can change and learn from that mistake and never let it happen again. I look at the young man my son has become and do nothing but smile. I couldn't imagine anyone else as my kid. It is funny when he is doing something that drives my husband crazy, my husband just looks at him and says "You are definitely your mothers son". I take it as a compliment. The hard part now is listening to Mitchell talk about how he wants to join the military when he gets out of school. I have such mixed emotions. What I have learned as a parent that I think is one of the hardest things is to sit back and let your child make mistakes so they can learn from them. But the best part is being there to pick up the pieces if needed and be the shoulder to cry on when it doesn't work out. I think I am going to need the mother load of klenex to get through these next years with my boy. Happy or sad I will need them. I love my #1 boy!

My New Little Friend

2008-12-15T21:50:00.004-06:00

I started babysitting part time at the end of September. I only do it one to two times a week. I love this little guy so much but he is a hand full at only four months old. He is my friend Nicole's little guy. I have never seen a baby at such a young age know exactly what he wants and scream until he gets it. It makes me appreciate the great , laid back and easy going baby Mitchell was. He spoiled me when he was a baby. I would have had a dozen more with how good he was. My new little friend, named Garrett, makes me laugh and cry all in the same day. When he starts the waterworks I can't help but cry with him. Nothing seems to calm him down. On the other hand he gets this pouty face and I can't help but laugh. Garrett teaches me the meaning of patience and a whole lot more. I am excited to watch him grow and see his personality develop. I just had to share what an adorable baby he is. I'm sure I will have some stories of "Baby G" as my son calls him. Stay tuned.

Basketball Thoughts

2008-12-05T06:18:00.003-06:00

Not to long ago my husband and I were talking about all the away games Mitchell has for basketball. At that time gas prices were not the best and his suggestion was for us to maybe not go to all those games. My husband has changed his work schedule around the best he could to try to go to all Mitchell's games. His feelings are that Mitchell will only play 8th grade basketball one time in his life and even though there are many games they are all different and he didn't want to miss one. So when he brought up the topic of not going to away games I was shocked. I did stop and think about where he was coming from with his thoughts but it still surprised me. With the way gas prices are (were) and the economy in general, I got it. So it really got me thinking and this is what my heart was telling me: Since I was diagnosed with MS I have had a pretty good health. It has just been in the last year and a half or so that it has gone down hill. I am going back up the hill now but it is a struggle every day. I told Mitchell when he started sports that I would be at every game no matter what. I know one of his concerns was that my health would stop me. So I make every effort to go. So far I haven't had to miss one. My thoughts are that as long as my legs will get me there I will be there. I don't know when the time will come and I won't be able to make it. Mitchell is only in 8th grade and has many years to play sports but if I miss any I can't get that time back. Don't get me wrong, Mitchell is very understanding about this. He knows that I might miss a game. He says he doesn't want me to push it. But there is nothing like it when you are in the bleachers and your son makes a basket and as he runs down the court he looks up to see you sitting there. It just tears at my heart like nothing else I have felt. When I told my husband this he said he never thought about me ever missing a game. He figured he would get me there one way or another. One thing that has been weighing on my heart since dealing with my health issues this past year or so is that there are big things and little things that come into our lives, why miss anything if you don't have to, just because there is an obstacle in the way. Find a way to get over it and keep going. No it won't always be easy but at least we tried.

Where do I begin......

2008-11-24T14:37:00.003-06:00

I feel like it has been forever since I have been a routine blogger. I don't even know where to start with what has gone on since June. Crap it has been a long time. It started with a med reaction, then two weeks later thinking I was having a heart attack. Docs seem to think coming off the meds sent my heart into a turmoil. No significant damage done but had to take it easy for a long period of time. Of course being in the hospital even overnight for observation made me extremely ill. So for about 3 weeks after I was dealing with upper respiratory infections. No meds were taken because of the heart thing. I am completely off meds again. My body is clear and free of an pills, except for my large doses of vitamins I am taking nothing. I started watching what I eat more carefully. I am so sick of the weight gain from all the steroids and emotional eating. To date I have lost about 20 pounds. I know I have a long ways to go but I am taking it one day at a time and not letting the scale rule me. I still slip up but I am trying not to beat myself up about it as much. Along with all that I was dealing with my son, the amazing Mitchell, having a girlfriend. To make a long story short, she turned into a................. I can't even find the right words. Stalker, psycho, bully. I'll stop there. They started dating in March and lasted until July. But she didn't stop until just a month ago. I had the principal involved and the next step was going to be the cops but the principal was on our side and told the girl if she didn't stop that he would be expelling her. Don't even want to go into details because it is finally behind us, I hope. Mitchell started his 8th grade year in September. Things are going well. He is in basketball again this year and just this weekend has made the traveling team for basketball. My life as I know it is over until the end of March now. Between practices and games plus all the 8th grade stuff he will be doing, I pretty much will have no social life. Not that I had much of one anyways. Mitchell is now 5'10" and weighs about 180. He is the greatest kid. I can't keep up with his teenage social life. He does have a great group of friends. Many of the girls love having him as a friend because they say he is just so open to listen to what they have to say plus it is like having a big brother. He is very protective with the girls. No girlfriends in the near future after this past experience, which is fine with me. I am working part time still at the same office as my husband. I really enjoy it and am so thankful I even have a job. It is really nice to be working with my hubby. We get to see each other more and it is fun to be goofy with each other. There is such a unique set of personalities in the office it is always interesting. One of the girls had a baby in July and now that she is back to work I get to watch the baby one to two days a week. It is fun to spoil him and then send him home. He is so very different to what Mitchell was like. Mitchell was so easy going and carefree. This little guy at only 4 months knows exactly what he wants and get it to him now. His mom and dad are about 16 years younger than my husband and I but we have made some friends for life. Just the greatest couple you would ever want to meet. I have been battling with bronchitis for the past three weeks. Except for the cough I could handle it. The cough is still here and doesn't want to go away. Besides that things are going very well. I can't complain. These past five months or so, I have had a lot of time to think and I don't want to always be crabbing about how I want things better. I need to except what I have and be happy more with it. I am happy with my health and feel good about how I am going about things. Do I want the weight to come off faster, well dah, of course I do but if someone is going to judge me because of my weight then they aren't worth having in my life. Am I still going to be crazy when things don't go according to plan or flip out because I have limited time and want to get a ton of things done and the big one of opening my big mouth when I should stop and think about it first. I'm not saying miracles are going to happen overnight. Some of the big things I want to change in my life are going to take time because I have been a certain way for a very long time. I like to think of myself as very passionate about certain things. One thing I have definitely learned is who my friends are and who sticks by me when times are tough no matter what. Boy, I am getting to deep for myself. I just want to be happy and not take things for granted. Too much of my life has passed me by and I can't take any of it back. My boy is starting high school in less than a year. Where has the time gone. My husband and I looked at each other the other day and said . "We have been together for almost 10 years." Holy Cow! time to stop and smell the roses.

Well, this went into a bit of a rant and I am sorry. Not how I wanted to make my comeback. I'm just trying to be comfortable in my own skin. I'm sure some of you know what that means. I miss my MS blogger buddies. Hope everyone is doing well. I have been trying to keep up with everyone. Well time to get going. I need to get myself off to Mitchell away game. Blog to you all soon.

Patiently Waiting......NOT

2008-11-06T09:57:00.002-06:00

I said awhile back that I would be around soon. Well wouldn't you know it that my computer has decided to take a nap. I am actually writing this quick post from work. A new good friend is trying to work out the problems. I can't really complain about my life right now, I'm feeling great and life is good. Hope to be back and blogging soon.

FRESH START

2008-09-16T19:08:00.002-05:00

I'll be back soon. I am just trying to find some balance in my life with everything going on. Hope everyone hasn't forgotten about me. I have enjoyed reading everyones blogs over the summer.
Be back in a flash......or two.

Special Friend

2008-07-09T17:20:00.004-05:00

This is a special friend of mine named Molly. She is special to me in so many ways I can't even tell ya. Last year at this time Molly went through brain surgery because she was diagnosed with Chiari l Malformation. Can't even begin to explain exactly what it is but to you MSers out there, her symptoms are pretty much just like ours. I never thought I would know someone that can relate to what I go through with my MS but not have it.
Well, in the last week or so Molly's symptoms have come back. She has a call into her doc and she will be getting an MRI soon to see what is going on. She is one of the strongest women I know and has a strong faith in God to get her through this. Please put your prayers out there for her and the family.

Off To See The Wizard

2008-06-22T14:22:00.003-05:00

I'm going to take a short break from blogging again. Just when I was trying to get my MS health in order I was slammed by something new on Thursday. I wasn't feeling well all week, just thought it was overload of trying to get Mitchell's party together and having the party. On Thursday I came home from work early because I just wasn't feeling right and by mid afternoon I was having a tightening feeling in my chest and my left arm went numb. So off to the ER I went. The initial tests were showing I had some damage to my heart but it looked like it was a couple days old. So they admit me to do further testing. Of course I didn't get any sleep that whole night, I was battling with my roommate about the air conditioning. She was always freezing and I was dripping in sweat. I was woken up every six hours for more blood work and every couple hours for blood pressure. I think I got a total of two hours of sleep. I was off to my stress test at 8:00 am. Now how they thought I could walk on the treadmill after getting no sleep what so ever and with my MS, my legs were like jello. I did it though. After four hours of many tests, everything was coming back ok. They couldn't figure out was was going on. Now after eating, I don't know how many aspirins, this all aggravated my gastritis. So now the pain I was having was that irritation. I just couldn't win. I was now put on some additional protonix and sent home with a follow up with my doc this week. I have done nothing but sleep since Friday afternoon when I got home. I am completely exhausted. The final diagnoses they were saying is that what I had was worse than an anxiety attack but less than a heart attack. All I know is I feel like I have been run over by a truck and then he backed up to try again in case he missed the first time. I haven't even had a chance to start my healthier living with my MS. So I will be taking a break to try and get myself into some kind of working order. I will be checking in on all of you to see how every one else is doing. Hope you all are doing well. Talk with you all soon.

Happy 13!

2008-06-14T06:09:00.004-05:00

Thirteen years ago at 7:58am this little blessing came into my life. Well he was little at the time anyways. Just fifteen years earlier I was told I may never be able to have children due to medical reasons. Many hours on bended knees brought this amazing child into my life. He is meant to be here and I believe God has a great plan for him. Mitchell has brought such joy to me over these thirteen years. I can't wait to see what the next thirteen are going to be like. I know every parent says it but he is growing up so fast. I remember my little buddy going to the stores with me and sitting in the shopping cart so curious about everything going on around him. Even the grocery store was an adventure. Now he is asking how to shave instead of why is the sky blue or when I have my license in a couple years will I drive your car or dads. It is the greatest thing to be able to experience life through your childs eyes. Even now at thirteen I have such experiences with Mitchell. One of my brothers who Mitchell is very close to came over last night to spend the night since we are having Mitchell's party today. We just sat and talked about things going on in his young teen life. It was just a moment I can't put into words to see my boy talking about grown up boy things with his Uncle. I know it will be a memory Mitchell will carry with him forever. So happy birthday to one of my greatest blessings. You have brought me so much joy and happiness. Ok a bit of frustration too. I wouldn't change any of it for the world.

Here is to your day today Mitchell. May you keep having your dreams come true. Don't change and keep thinking outside your box. I love you.

Doc Appt.

2008-06-10T18:14:00.002-05:00

Today was my check up with my neuro to see what we should do next. Some might not like what my doc has to say but I can honestly say I really trust his thoughts and judgements. So this is the plan: he would like me to go back to my old way of dealing with my MS before I got sick about 2 years ago. When I say sick I mean when I ended up in the hospital because my gastritis acted up so bad I felt like I couldn't breath. I love my mother in law dearly but eating her cooking for almost three weeks did me in. My fault totally because who could say no to home made Mexican cooking? If you say yes, you are lying or haven't had real good homemade cookin. Anyways this episode sent me into a spiral of failure and I let myself go and didn't try to hard to stop. Oh, sorry back to the plan. For me what worked best was exercise and healthy eating. By healthy eating I don't mean only once or twice a week at the fast food joint either. I ate REALLY healthy. No processed foods, mostly everything homemade, more natural and organic when I could. I'm sure this will really piss off some MSers but it worked for me and I want to at least try it again. He wants me to clean out my system of these drugs. Even though the Copaxone did work for me in the beginning of my MS, the time when I was off it and the healthier life style, I felt the best. While I am trying this he does want me to look into information on Rebif and Tysabri. Ultimately this is my choice but I feel grateful that I have a doctor who is willing to take a step back and think about what has worked for me in the past and not want to fill me up with drugs. I go back in three months for another check up and then we will talk again about how things are going. I need to get my mind back into the positive mode and push forward. I want everyone to have their own cure for this crappy disease and I am hoping this is what it will take for me.

Small Update

2008-06-03T22:13:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to stop in and say hi. I appreciate all the nice comments and emails I have gotten. I was supposed to see my doc last Friday to see what direction to go in but we had a MAJOR wind storm so I couldn't go. Next try is for June 10th. I guess that is good because it gives me some time to figure out some things. I'm not really up to date with any other meds except for Copaxone so this will give me some time for research. I would like any input from my fellow msers to see what questions they think I should ask or any info that I should bring with me when I see my doc. Brain just isn't going in the right direction right now. Not that there is ever a good time for these kinds of things to happen but with the end of the school year next week, Mitchell turning 13 and the anniversary of my moms passing coming up I have alot I am trying to handle. Work is so supportive so I am lucky with that. My family is by my side all the time. I have a dear friend who has been really there for me. One thing in my favor is that the roid food rage hasn't hit me. I actually don't even want to eat most of the time. I can't seem to shake this sadness I have that this even happened. That is the only way to describe it....sadness.

BIG Bump in the Road

2008-05-29T13:21:00.004-05:00

I'm going to be taking a bit of a break from blogging. Tuesday night my husband gave me my Copaxone injection and leave it to me I had a (what they call normal) side effect. I have had these in the past. The tightening in the chest, hard to breath etc. But this one took a new turn. After about 20 minutes of "normal side effect" I went into having severe chills. That lasted about an hour. I finally fell asleep and woke up to my body itching and feeling a burning sensation. I started to rub my eyes and they felt funny so I went into the bathroom to see my adorable face swollen from ear to ear. Actually even my ears were swollen. I was covered from head to torso with hives. So I sat for about half an hour deciding on what to do. I woke my husband for round three of the reaction and we decided to call the doc. He wanted me immediately in the ER. He said if it starts getting worse it could go to my throat, which it did. So off to the ER at 1:00am. I got two nice big shots in the butt and went home. I am feeling much better but can honestly say I am mentally worn out with this disease. I see my doc tomorrow to decide what we do next. I think I hit a new level of fear. One thing that has me curious is that the only time I have had a mild reaction is when the shot is in my stomach. And on top of this my son has the teacher from hell and she decided to mess with him yesterday morning after he had to witness this ordeal with his momma. Not to mention I spoke with her in the morning to let her know what happened and that he would be running a bit late for school. So into the principal I went this morning. Oh, did I tell ya I am dealing with roid rage right now too. Not a good time to mess with my kid. So I need a little break to figure some things out but will be checking in to see how my fellow bloggers are doing. You all take care, I know some of you are dealing with your own stuff right now.
When I do post again I will tell you about the most amazing husband who was by my side the entire time without one complaint and full of support. I am sooooooo blessed.

LISTEN

2008-05-21T19:26:00.001-05:00

LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
The mind determines what's possible. The heart surpasses it.
-Pilar Coolinta

When Does it Stop!

2008-05-13T19:41:00.003-05:00

School usually ends at 3:30 for my son Mitchell. Today at around 2:45 my phone rings and when I look at the caller id it is showing my sons cell phone number. My stomach just sank. I pick up the phone to hear Mitchell's voice saying that he is at the elementary school behind his school because there was a note written on the boys bathroom saying there was a bomb in the school. Of course I don't get all the facts since the school is in the middle of trying to keep our children safe and find out if this threat is real. What I just can't wrap my brain around right now is that this is the third threat in a week in our school district. Last Wednesday it was the high school. They caught that kid by the next day. Yesterday it was the other middle school on the other side of town ad today it is my sons school. What is in these kids minds that they find this something amusing to do. Our kids were sent home with a note saying that the police were there today searching and they would keep us updated on what is going on. So tonight I have a talk with my son about this entire situation and after it is over he just looks at me with his big blue eyes and asks if he has to go to school tomorrow. As of right now I am not sending my son to school because I haven't heard anything yet from the school. I have all these questions rolling around in my head. Am I ever going to feel that sending my son to school will be a safe place for him. How do i as a parent ever really keep him safe. This whole situation just has made me sick to my stomach.

Mothers Day

2008-05-12T14:55:00.002-05:00

So I'm a day late but my Mothers Day was spent mostly on the couch because of a reaction from my MS injection. I was woken early Sunday morning to find my son had made me my Mothers Day breakfast. I look forward to this every year. My son was a bit disappointed because he usually make me crepes but couldn't get everything he needed. It was all OK. The best part is the clean up. I don't have to do it. That is where the hubby comes in to play. Poor guy. If you could see what the kitchen looks like after Mitchell gets done cooking. EEK! My gift was a new necklace to go along with the charm he bought me for Christmas. I'll have to get a picture of that. It is a snowflake. If you have read my blog I don't need to say anymore about that or its meaning. The picture is of my sweet little boy asleep after his busy Mothers Day. I love those pics of the little ones sleeping. So peaceful and innocent. Well onto the next major event for our family. Mitchell's 13th birthday. Let the planning begin!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

2008-05-04T08:38:00.002-05:00

It has been seven years today since I married the most amazing man. We had a simple ceremony in my girlfriends backyard. But it was the most beautiful day ever. He came into my life when I thought I would never want to be married. He became this awesome father to my son and took on a wife who had such an unpredictable disease. How many men would do that? We have had our ups & downs but we get through them together. I can't ask for a better role model for my son. There is a bundle of emotions when living with this man and you never know which one is going to be coming out. He handles many situations with his smile and humor. He tries to not let things get him down. I haven't met a person that doesn't like him or get along with him. He is patient, kind and at times oh so frustrating. He keeps me balanced when I need it. I guess to put it in the most simple of words is that we compliment each other. We keep each other grounded. So happy anniversary to the man that is meant for me. It has been an eventful seven years and I can't wait to see what the upcoming years have for us to share.

Busy Time

2008-05-01T18:49:00.003-05:00

This time of the year gets a bit crazy. It seems like the teachers forgot to teach some things throughout the year so they are cramming everything in the last 6 weeks of school. Plus everyone is crabby because they just want school to be over. The weather has been nuts so at least it hasn't been to warm in the schools yet. Earlier this week we even had some snow showers again. But today we hit 70. So my MS is going a bit nutso with this extreme weather change. So the results are in on my son and he has been diagnosed with hypoglycemia. At least it isn't something so bad we can't deal with it. It has been a bit of a challenge to get some teachers, or should I say two in particular, on board with knowing what Mitchell needs and when he needs it. I give a big shout out to teachers. It isn't the easiest job in the world but if you take on this profession then you need to have some compassion and Oh let's say common sense! If I email you letting you know exactly what is going on plus the school nurse has notified you then how much more info does one need. I have had two teachers at three different times just in the past five days refuse to let my son have his snack in school. I called the school again this afternoon asking what I need to do to get the teachers to understand this is important. I emailed the one teacher politely reminding her about his need for the snack. Then yesterday she did it again and I sent another email asking if I need to come into her class and make sure my son is getting his snack. Because I would be more than happy to come in every day during her class period and make sure she is letting my son have his snack. I haven't heard back from her yet. This has been very upsetting for my son going through all the testing and now worrying if it will get worse. Why is it so hard for a teacher to have some compassion. Or am I being overboard because when my son tells a teacher he needs to have a snack because of a health issue she looks at him and says "I don't believe you". I'm just very disappointed that this whole matter hasn't been handled more smoothly.

Most Important

2008-04-23T06:37:00.003-05:00

So I was going to post about my new job and how I am loving it! I am even remembering my training. (go figure) But we something else going on around here that is way more important and has taken our attention. For about the past month Mitchell has been complaining about headaches, queasy stomach, cold sweats, chills. This happens around the same time of the day, only during the week and it has happened only once during the week the last three weeks. So I took Mitchell to the doctor yesterday to see what is going on. He had an exam, checked vitals three different times and three different ways. So this morning I am taking Mitchell in for blood work and tomorrow my hubby has the duty of going with him for the three hour test to check his sugars. Every hour on the hour he has to go back to see the technician. I'm sending my husband on that one because Mitchell will be super cranky by then plus hubby will find a way to make the time go by faster. This poor kid is so scared. He bites my head off when I try to talk to him about anything right now. So I am learning my patience and trying to hang in there for him. Right now the doc doesn't think it is anything major. He thinks it could be something as simple as Mitchell needs to eat more frequently because with going through puberty his body is adjusting and needs a bit more vitamins. I'm keeping a positive attitude and we will just wait for the results. I believe in prayer so if anyone would like to join our family in prayer we would appreciate it.

My Birthday Surprise!

2008-04-21T14:53:00.002-05:00

So yesterday was my birthday and it started out as my usual Sunday with going to church. After church Mitchell came up to me to say his stomach didn't feel well and he was going to walk home and lay down. (church is like 100 feet from our house, we usually walk in the nice weather) So by the time we were done talking with everyone and I was ready to go home my husband suggested we go to my favorite store and get some coffee. (suspicion starts) After that he says he needs to stop at Walmart because he noticed we were out of toilet paper(suspicion grows) All this time my husband has been secretly talking on his cell phone with my son. So when we finally get home and walk through the door some of my family is there to surprise me. Without going into to much detail, I have four older brothers who have their own lives and we don't usually spend all that much time together. We know that if we needed each other we are only a phone call away. Since my mom has passed away we have all gotten closer but my one brother who has since divorced has also been around more lately. My nephew and niece showed up who I haven't seen in a long time. It was just a nice day all around and I wouldn't have changed a thing. One of the best parts is that my son planned the whole thing. What twelve year old even thinks about doing such details and my boy did. He just made my day. It wasn't some big major thing but just the small details that were done showed me how much my son really knows me. It was scary how he had things set up to the point that he really watches what I do when we have someone over. My husband had told me how proud he was of our boy because he did everything on his own. I am so very blessed to have such a great family.

Spring Cleaning!

2008-04-18T07:54:00.003-05:00

No it's not my house. I am Spring cleaning me. I feel like I have been in such a dark place lately. I know the early part of the year can be so depressing. Here in IL, after the snow starts to melt you are left with this gloomy, muddy landscape to look at for three months. Who can be happy and motivated with that to look at. Well the sun has been shinning and the weather is warming up so I decided to clean up me. Yesterday I went to get a new haircut. I have been letting it grow for awhile and just pull it up when I don't feel like doing so much. So I went in yesterday and let the girl cut away. Do I like it? I'm getting used to it. I have been walking a bit more. I'm not getting as far as I want but I have to start somewhere right? My neighbor told me she ran 2 miles the other day. I was so happy for her. But deep inside I'm thinking, Wow, I WALKED 2 miles. I need to quit looking at it as a bad thing and just keep on moving. I need to stop being so depressed about the weight gain from all these drugs I have had to take.
Now for the bigger news. Yesterday I was officially hired, part time, at my husbands work. I'm going to be doing some clerical work for the office. I have a very flexible schedule. I can come and go as I please, which is good to be able to work around Mitchell's schedule. Plus I can be at home at night and help Mitchell with homework and not rush through dinner. For the past year and a half I have been making Vietnam Veterans call to set up donation pickups. I have enjoyed it but not being around the family at night for a couple hours has been hard. So Monday I start training. I think this will also help with my memory getting back to my normal. It will be a little different once school gets out but if I do my hours in the morning it won't interfere with Mitchell to much. Plus what teenager is up before noon in the summer? So there is my Spring cleaning. Since Sunday is my birthday I thought this would be a good time to start new with myself. What better present to give myself then a new healthier ME.

One Day

2008-04-14T17:58:00.002-05:00

If you were given one day to do anything you wanted, what would it be? If you have any sort of disability it is gone for this day. Nothing is holding you back. No weak legs, no fatigue, no nothing. I guess my mind started to wonder about this when Ms. Cheese was talking about her runs. I was looking out my window today since the sun was shining so bright and it actually got up to 50. I was thinking what I would do. One thing for sure is WALK. My husband, son and I used to take walks on trails. We would have the best time. Ever since taking the many doses of steroids my legs don't want to do so much. My husband and I have taken some walks lately with our dogs and by the time we hit maybe two miles I am dragging my right leg home. This is so discouraging. I remember the good ol days when working at the hospital and having to run down the halls chasing the elderly who had escaped from their beds. I want to be outside enjoying the sun on my face, running with my dogs and not worrying about falling on my face. I'm sure there are many out there with bigger and better adventures but I will keep mine simple. So, what would you do if you had one day to do anything you wanted?

Working

2008-04-09T15:00:00.004-05:00

Lately I have been spending alot of time working on being a more understanding and better wife. A friend from church recommended a book for me to read, The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I am actually reading it with my husband. I'm reading, he is listening. He hates to read. So I thought it was a good compromise. The other book I have been reading is Finding the Hero in Your Husband -surrendering the way God intended by Julianna Slattery. If there is a wife out there that has never read this book you should get it. I am only on page 54 out of 280 pages. I am usually a fast reader but this book has me reading and rereading. It has truly opened my eyes to a new way. I want to be a better person so I thought the best place to start is obviously within my home. I think working to be a better person is always good. Let's wait and see if my family feels it is helping.

Is it Snooping or Not?

2008-04-04T15:18:00.002-05:00

When doing laundry for the family it is not unusual for me to check pockets for "whatever" might be left inside from the week. It has not been unusual to find pens, pencils, gum or even notes for home in Mitchell's pockets. Now with Mitchell having a girlfriend the notes are a big thing to find in his pockets. I don't read them when I find them but I feel guilty even opening to find what they are. It used to be just notes from the teachers for an upcoming event at school so it isn't unlike me to open up a folded peice of paper in his pocket. Now when I see on the outside that it is a personal note I just hand it to Mitchell. Of course he gets that look on his face of "Did you read it!" So why do I feel so guilty that I am intruding on my sons personal life. This is all a new feeling to me. We still have our talks and he seems to be pretty open with me about what is going on. It is kind of funny how he has this whole new part of his life that I don't know everything about. Or am I fooling myself and I really never new everything he was up to. I always thought that we had a pretty open relationship. Don't get me wrong I don't think he is doing anything he shouldn't be doing. It is just a new phase in his life and as his mom it is hard not be involved the way I used to be. This is harder than I thought it was going to be. My son is growing up and he is not my little boy anymore.

Spring Break is Over

2008-04-01T13:33:00.002-05:00

So our week of Spring break is over. It went by to fast. We didn't do anything extreme. We hung out together mostlty. One night we rented movies and watched until all hours of the night, eating popcorn of course. One day turned out really nice and sunny so Mitchell went to the park with a bunch of his buddies and played basketball all day. On Friday Polo & Mitchell went to Milwaukee Wisconsin for the day. Mitchell loves the Milwaukee Bucks so my hubby got some tickets to the game that night so they decided to make it a guys day and spent the whole day out there. Mitchell wants to redo his bedroom and so he wants some bucks curtains in his room. Didn't think it was going to be that hard to find Bucks fabric to make curtains or pillows. So I went online to find some for him. The weather has been crazy so my fatigue is getting the best of me right now. This isn't the best time of the year anyways with the gloom of Winter passing and Spring time trying to show its beauty. I was doing so well over Spring break with taking walks with my husband & dogs. Now that everyone is back to their routine, I can barely get off the couch. In my head I want to get moving but the rest of me isn't there yet. I want, no need some sunshine and warmer weather to kick me in the butt. There is a week and a half left of third quarter for Mitchell in school. He is busting his butt to get those grades back up and projects completed. I can't believe that in just 2 and a half months school will be out.

Spring Break

2008-03-22T22:01:00.003-05:00

This week is Spring break for Mitchell. We started break out with a snow storm on Friday. When Mitchell got home from school Thursday he went out in the backyard, in his shorts, to shoot some hoops. We woke up Friday morning to snow. After all was done we got about 7 inches of snow. If I remember correctly our newspaper said it is the biggest winter season snowfall since 79'. My adorable husband also took the week off of work. We don't have any definite plans but one thing for sure is that we will all be sleeping in every morning. The boys do have plans to go to Milwaukee on Friday. They love their Milwaukee Bucks. (basketball) Mitchell wants his room repainted for his birthday, in June. He wants it made into a basketball room. I'm trying to figure out something really cool & different to put on the main wall. A giant basketball or something. I'm researching. I don'tknow how much I will be on the computer this week. All depends on our plans. I'm sure the new girlfriend will be around some times too. Time for me to go to bed. I have been cooking & cleaning most of the day getting ready for Easter.
Hope everyone has a great Easter and enjoys their week.

Happy Anniversary

2008-03-17T09:09:00.004-05:00

Today many are celebrating St. Patrick's Day. In our home we are celebrating the anniversary of my husband becoming a citizen of the United States. My husband came here many years ago not speaking a word of English and looking for a new direction in his life. I am very proud of my husband and all of his accomplishments. He taught himself English, got a job and has been working hard ever since. When we met and then became a couple he never hesitated to volunteer at our sons school or within the community. He is still very involved in our community. Now that our son is in middle school there isn't to much volunteering but when there is he is there. I say Mitchell is our son because my hubby, Polo, has been a father to Mitchell ever since we got together. Mitchell describes him as a dad because he says he gets up in the night when he is sick, takes him to the E.R. when not feeling well, plays ball in the yard, goes to school functions, share their love of basketball and most of all disciplines him when he needs it, the list goes on. This is a man that has come into this relationship knowing I have a incurable disease and not many men want to even date a woman who has a child from another relationship. Don't get me wrong we have had our ups and downs but I wouldn't have done it with anyone else. This is the man I want to grow old with. The other day he joked about finding out how Michael Jackson made himself white. Deep inside it broke my heart. I know he was joking but I think there was a bit of honesty in there. We have dealt with so much prejudice from so many. People judge him because of what they see on the outside not the inside. Plus he has worked very hard to get where he is, a citizen. If ever there was a button to be pushed that is mine. Don't judge someone because of what they look like. Again, happy anniversary to my husband, Polo. I am very proud of you and honored to be able to call myself your wife. I love you.

The Dating Continues......

2008-03-13T13:01:00.003-05:00

So it has been a week now and my son still has his first girlfriend, Tara. Nothing major going on. They are on the phone constantly. My son hibernates in the basement so nobody can hear him. He just makes me laugh. I am trying not to be the pesty mom. I am giving him his space but keeping a close on eye on him at the same time. We have our small talks. It is funny because you would think he isn't listening but then he repeats it to you later. Mitchell is funny because he has already told Tara that once sports starts again he won't be around to much. He needs to give it 100%. She seems fine with it. She is into volleyball so she said the same thing to him. I haven't actually met her yet but when she calls she always tells Mitchell to say hi to me. I was standing in line at the post office today when the lady in front of me had a little guy about 14 months. So cute. Another lady said to enjoy every moment because they grow so fast. It kind of brought a tear to my eye. Inside I'm thinking "Isn't that the truth, my baby is going to be 13 in 3 months." Nothing else going on around here. Pretty boring right now. The weather is almost 50 today. I took my one dog out for a walk. The only dog that doesn't pull me down the street. It was nice to have some fresh air.

MS Awareness Week

2008-03-12T08:37:00.003-05:00

So what does that mean? Awareness Week. Well here in IL anyways, it means by the end of the week maybe a handful of people who didn't know what the disease is will know. I guess I should be happy that a handful will know. But is that enough? This awareness week comes and goes. I don't see the MS Society of IL doing very much to get the word out. Their website suggests seven things to do during this week.

Monday: Visit your local chapters website
Tuesday: Take action-contact your local members of Congress about supporting research
Wednesday: Sign up for the MS Walk or Bike MS
Thursday: Tell your friends, spread the word
Friday: Volunteer, show your support
Saturday: Make your mark, share your story with the world
Sunday: Donate to the society

Does anyone see what is wrong with this picture? Why are we, the ones with MS, having to do all the work. Why isn't the society doing commercials or ads in the paper. We just got our paperwork in the mail to sign up for the MS walk in May. I would say 80% of the people at those walks have MS. There isn't anything wrong with that except for the fact that most can't walk. Our local walk is only 3 miles. It used to be longer but someone complained and they made it shorter. This disease has been around for a very long time and still there aren't many people that know what it is. Even the basics. I'm not giving up, it isn't in my nature. I will keep talking about this disease so more people will have the knowledge. But I have done this for the past 10 years and I am tired. Now the disease is really taking its toll on me and I don't have the energy to keep doing this myself in my town.
So this week for MS Awareness week I am being more aware of my disease and what it is doing to me. Sorry if that sounds selfish but I need to take care of myself. What gets me so frustrated is that there were so many people that say they ar behind me and will help in any way they can. Then when I can't do much myself they are no where to be found. As much as I love my true friends it really isn't there responsibility and they are there for me as an individual. I can't remember who said it on a blog post I read. People won't do anything until it effects them. Sad but true. So when you find out your friend or someone you know has a disease or illness, what do you do to help make the situation better?

It's Starting!

2008-03-06T18:27:00.004-06:00

So my sons cell phone rings tonight and who is it but a GIRL! He told me last night that a girl in school asked him out. So I had a talk with him about dating and what it means to him. Am I ready for this as a mom? What questions do I ask and what do I let him keep private. He is only in 7th grade for peets sake. Oh, his phone is ringing again and now it is the girls best friend asking questions. Let the fun begin. I guess I will need to make my hair appointments closer together to keep my grey hair covered. All these questions are spinning in my head. This is all new for me. Another time in my life I want my mom. Mitchell told me last night that if gramma was around she would have been the first person he told about the new girl. I thought that was so sweet. I have to admit, hearing Mitchell talk on the phone makes me smile. He is being so nice & polite. My brother says to hold on this is just the beginning.

My New MS Therapy

2008-03-03T17:44:00.003-06:00

I would like to introduce Benjamin & Alexandra. They are 6 months old. My girlfriend Liz had these two amazing bundles of joy in August. Liz and I met when her oldest son Mark and Mitchell were in preschool together. we have been friends ever since. I go over to see the twins almost once a week. They are truly my therapy. After spending time with them nothing in the world seems so bad. They laugh and smile. I have never seen two babies so happy all the time. Ben and I share a special closeness. I think with him being a boy he reminds me so much of Mitchell when he was that age. Liz says she sees alot of Mitchell in Ben. Alexandra is a feisty one. She makes me laugh. Now that she is getting older we have bounded over my cell phone. Nothing makes her happier then me playing all my ringtones. These two little blessings have brought such happiness to my life. They don't judge you for having a bad ms day and love you just because you are there. Liz and I joke about them being my therapy. It has been so fun to watch them in just the 6 months they have been around. They are rolling over and trying to crawl. With the way I go on about them you would think they were my own. It just makes you take a step back and look at your life.

Flu Update

2008-02-26T12:10:00.003-06:00

So it wasn't the flu I was feeling on Saturday. Along with my chills & fever my stomach was nauseous and burning. The chills & fever went away by late Sunday but the pain in my stomach was getting worse and the fatigue is overwhelming. Went to the doc yesterday and he said my ulcer is acting up. I have had digestive problems for the past 5 years or so. So my doc says for whatever reason my ulcer has acted up and has gotten so bad that I was fighting a fever. Of course I was taking the Motrin in the house for the fever and that was aggravating my stomach so badly and making everything worse. I am now on antibiotics for the next 2 weeks and we will see how things go. My stomach feels like I have been in a fight and was punched numerous times in the gut. So I guess that means I lost. I was all ready to start really watching what I eat and getting back into exercising. There is no way I can walk on a treadmill right now. But when this is over I will be a new person and start fresh. My husband says I am losing weight right now the hard way. I'm sleeping most of the time and what wakes me up is the pain. Doc says to keep stress level down or I won't get better and just relax. Does he know who he is talking to. I am such an internal keeper of emotions. I know I need to let things go but it gets so hard and I hold on. Da, that is why I am in this situation. Doc can't say what aggravated me but I'm sure with all the changes going on around here and in our life the stress and uncertainty is a major factor. Been saying alot of prayers lately so I know we will all get through. Thanks for all the well wishes.

Chills, Fever & the list goes on

2008-02-23T21:48:00.003-06:00

I won't be around for a bit. I have come down with the flu. Feel like road kill. I felt like I was fighting a cold all week so I was laying low. Then yesterday I felt better and thought I beat it. Woke up this morning and WHAM! One thing I can say is I am so blessed to have my husband and son around to help. I'm hoping to be back soon.

Future NBA Player

2008-02-22T18:15:00.001-06:00

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Teacher Update part 2

2008-02-19T22:37:00.002-06:00

Mitchell came home today in pretty good spirits. He said his band teacher talked with him before class today. The teacher told him how we had talked and just wanted to get Mitchell's side of things straight from him. Mitchell felt really good about the whole conversation. He even said it was one of the best days he has had all year in band. See one of the problems this year is that the 7th & 8th grade are together because of our boundary changes in the district. So the class has been more geared towards the 8th grade, it has been a struggle for many of the 7th graders. But after Mitchell's talk with the teacher he feels better about the situation. The teacher had told him if it wasn't for the two classes being merged together, Mitchell would be playing second chair. That made Mitchell feel really good about himself. The teacher was even having Mitchell help with some of the students today that weren't understanding what they should be doing. What a boost in my childs confidence. I'm glad that it is all finally working out. Mitchell even said he is looking forward to band next year!

Teacher Update

2008-02-18T18:49:00.002-06:00

Everything went well with the teacher. I think the one thing that bothers me is that I need to constantly stay on him for what he is supposed to do. It probably bothers me more because with having ms you try even harder to remember everything you need or want to. Then you have someone without that disability and they take it for granted. My son says just to wear a shirt that says" I have MS what is your excuse". I think he finally took me seriously with things I have mentioned in the past. Plus he has lost many students this year and I don't know all the reasons but some parents have said it is because of his teaching. One of the many things I spoke with him about is Mitchell's loss of loving band. We spoke about this in December. I brought it up again like this.... So we spoke back in December about Mitchell not loving band so much anymore and it bothers me as his parent that he is still struggling with this. As his teacher what have you done to help the situation. Guess I caught him off guard because his mouth just kind of hung open. He hasn't done anything. We had a nice talk and he did tell me he would speak with Mitchell personally. So let's see how long that takes. If it is not done within this next week then I think I need to go talk with the principal again. Teachers are not supposed to help their students dislike something. They should bring out the best of their abilities. I am so saddened how Mitchell's love of music has diminished. I spoke with his music teacher he had in elementary school. She has become a great friend of the family. We thought on the next half day of school Mitchell should go hang out with her and remember where that love started. The never ending drama of being a parent. It is my job and the best job I have ever had.

Talking with the Teacher AGAIN

2008-02-13T11:55:00.002-06:00

I never really did post about the trouble Mitchell was having with his one teacher at school. I also was having some trouble since I couldn't get him to communicate with me about some things I had concerns about. He wouldn't even return my phone calls or emails until I went a step up to the asst. principal. I have a strong passion for my sons experiences at school. Mitchell is in band and with that he doesn't get a study hall. Plus he gets pulled out of one of his other classes every Tuesday for sectionals. When I did speak with this teacher right before Winter break (face to face) I expressed some of my concerns to him. One was because Mitchell's trumpet was vandalised at school and the way this teacher handled it was just so wrong. I'm not going to get into it because it is now solved, no thanks to him. He is new this year to the school and as a teacher. Does that mean as a parent I should excuse his behaviors? I don't think so. I have talked with the asst. principal about everything that goes on as I try to handle it. Even with the whole trumpert issue. I called her when I was at my last straw with this man because of a message he left on my answering machine. Lucky for him I didn't get it until five pm one night and school was closed. My other issue is that if Mitchell is needing extra help in a class, needs to make up work or grades are slipping I told this guy that Mitchell would miss some band. I feel band is important. Mitchell used to love it. As a parent I want Mitchell to stick with something he starts and not feel he can just give up. But his core classes come first. Well this guy just had to argue with me about it and it came down to I am the parent and what I say goes, it is my child. So now he is starting again with not letting Mitchell out of band for his extra help. There are a couple little things that have been going on also that the teacher doesn't even call and talk to me about. I go in today to have a face to face. We will see how this works out. One thing I would like some feedback on is this. When he addresses me, either through email or on the phoone, he calls me by my first name not Mrs. _____. I have never had a teacher do that unless they even asked first. Am I getting old & cranky? Ok, don't answer that part.

Bad Dog

2008-02-07T13:39:00.000-06:00

So we have been having some issues with our furry family here at home. Our middle dog Buddie thinks he should have what he wants when he wants it and if you say "No" he will take it anyways. This is not just with dog toys either. If Bella or Skyra have a toy and Buddie wants it he will stare them down until they cry and drop it. Or he sneaks up takes it, then runs away. All the girls have to do is walk past him and he will growl. We have had to break up a couple fights lately too. We love watching the Dog Whisperer and tease that we are going to call him and ask for help. Buddie has such anxiety, he screams if he knows it is time for a walk. I can't even walk him anymore because he drags you when walking. So Monday night it is about 9:30 pm and we are talking to down in our living room. I am on one couch, Mitchell on the other and my husband standing between the two when all of a sudden Buddie decides that Bella has a toy he wants and tries to grab it out of her mouth. The battle begins. They start going at it and Mitchell goes to jump up onto the couch so his feet are out of the way. Well Buddie catches a glimpse of a moving object and turns to bite Mitchell right on the foot. First he says he is ok, while my husband is pulling the two dogs apart, then he decides he isn't. Mitchell is a tough kid, so when he starts to cry it is usually a big deal. The tears started down the face and when Bella saw that Mitchell is crying she pulls away from my husband to go back after Buddie. I got some towles to put on his foot to stop the bleeding. All my CNA training came back to me, plus being a mom. Mitchell is doing ok. We went to the doctor. Nothing is damaged except his heart, his very own dog bit him. There is actually only one puncture on the foot plus about 3 other tiny holes. It is very tender but overall he is doing well. It was definetly a life lesson. You need to be careful even with your own dogs. Stay tuned and maybe sometime soon you will see us on the "Dog Whisperer".

Basketball Mom

2008-02-01T07:50:00.000-06:00

I never did share anything about Mitchell's basketball season. Poor kids only won one game and it didn't even count for conference. They learned alot and all of the boys said to watch out for next year when they come back as 8th graders. I learned alot about the game. Especially how to yell at the opposing teams family for cutting down our kids. Actually I only did it once and that was because they were EVIL! hee hee. It reminds me of the parents you see on the news because they were abusing the child competing with your child. It just amazes me how crazy some of these parents get. I sat there in awe. Some of the parents were laughing at me and just saying welcome to sports. Is this how we raise our kids, to be so competitive. I think it is crazy. Of course because Mitchell was the biggest kid on the team some of the parents had high expectations for him. I just wanted him to learn something and enjoy himself at the same time. Was that so wrong? Can't wait for the future years of basketball. Since Mitchell enjoys it so much I'm sure I will have tons of stories. One of them not being me being carried out by the cops because I jumped another student. Until next year...

Create Balance

2008-01-31T07:25:00.000-06:00

If people never did silly things nothing intelligent would ever get done.
-Ludwig Wittgenstein

Fresh Start

2008-01-30T20:26:00.000-06:00

I started to create new background to my blog today and I lost everything in trying. I was getting a little frustrated but then figured out what I did. How silly to be so upset over something so small. It got me thinking about how angry I was the other day after getting off the phone with my sons biological father. This man can push my buttons in a heart beat. This is something I am trying to work on as one of my goals for the year. This is probably the one I am having the most difficulty with. I am getting better at the fact that I don't let him pull me into his game. I stay calm on the phone with him, it is when I get off the phone that I vent my anger and disgust. He pulled a doosy the other night but I got some help from Ben & Jerry. Just a bit since I am trying to lose weight again. I need to be on a couch with Ben & Jerry and some help from Ms. Cheese and I think I will be feeling better in no time.
A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult. Proverbs 12:16

Top 10

2008-01-23T16:32:00.000-06:00

Ok, for Christmas my son got the home gym he wanted. It is set up in our basement along with the treadmill. I have no excuses not to get in shape myself. I love listening to music and what better way to get motivated than listening to some real upbeat music while working out. So I am asking everyone for their favorite upbeat songs I can put on my mp3 to work out to. I want to come up with a top 10 list. So help me out people. I will share the list when I have it done.

My brain is on Pause

2008-01-17T12:17:00.000-06:00

Since my brain feels like it is on pause lately I have been laying low until it decides to kick in again. I have been struggling this past week because I have a issue with my sons band teacher and it is taking every bit of energy I have to deal with it. I will give details later, if I do it now it will take what I have left out of me for the day. There is nothing worse than a teacher who purposely disrespects your child when your child stands up for the rights of themself and other students. I'll leave it at that. We are getting a bit of snow here today. As many of you have commented on your feelings about snow, I love it. Maybe because I don't shovel anymore since Mitchell has taken on that duty. It is getting bitter cold here to so I am staying in for the day and I think I will sit on the couch and just read a book until my son gets home from school so we can bake some cookies. Here is a photo of our yard on the last big snow we had. I have been reading everyone else's blogs, sorry no comments. Hopefully after this long weekend with the family I will be back in the game.

If you don't think about it maybe it will go away

2008-01-10T14:53:00.000-06:00

One of the biggest things I hear is don't stress yourself or your MS will act up. PLLEEEEAAASE!
No one ever says how to do it though. I called today to find out where my next months worth of Copaxone shots are. To only here the lady say and don't forget your $20.00 copay. News to me. When did that start? She explained all the details about how I am given a certain amount of money towards the medications so I need to pay somethig or an even larger amount will come out of pocket towards the end of the year. Ok, it all made sense to me but all I can think about is: I need to come up with $140.00 by March for my sons trip to Springfield for school, end of April is school tuition that usually runs around $155.00 becaue of band and technology and our youngest pup needs surgery worth a whopping $1300.00. So 20 bucks right now is alot. Since we moved boundaries here in our school district and not to many people are overworked this year, not to many people are taking off so I haven't even subbed once this school year. I need to work to bring in some money but that seems like a dream come true right now. My husband works his butt off (that is why he doesn't really have one)LOL. This is when I hate MS the most becaue I feel so helpless. I know I can watch what I spend to help out but when you need that extra coming in it doesn't help much. So I am trying to figure out what I can do and of course the brain is on hold right now. I hear that recording of "Please try back again later".

Getting Back on Track

2008-01-07T14:20:00.000-06:00

OK, the new year is here and is time for me to get my head out of the fog and put my house & life back in some kind of order. As like so many, finances are tight so I need to focus on our food bill & spending. I usually do pretty well but when there are those days when even getting out of bed is work, who feels like putting a meal on the table. My latest thing is looking at the ads and coupons and trying to plan my week around that. I think I am pretty good at seeing what is in the fridge or cabinets and making something for dinner. Lucky for me Mitchell is not a picky eater. I think alot of that has to do with the fact that I never really gave him baby food. I made his baby food. No smart comments from anyone! It is so simple and not that time consuming plus your baby gets more vitamins from the real thing and again that is why I think he isn't picky. I mean come on have you ever tasted that baby food that comes in a jar. ICK! Then we expect them when they are older to eat a real vegetable because they ate it from the jar. Ok, I am getting off track. I did notice that when I make everything myself instead of store bought my health seemed alot better. Mitchell went to his Aunts house, on his dads side, for the holidays. This woman doesn't know how to cook. She made some potato casserole and it had like 5 sticks of butter ad half a large carton of sour cream. Mitchell came home with the worst stomach ache. So I want to get back to the more healthy eating and still keep the budget low. I have many goals I set for myself. Not just what I want to accomplish in 08 but in my lifetime. Staying as healthy as I can is one of them. Once you get off track it is hard for the average person to get back but with having the ms I think it takes my body so long to adjust and figure out what the heck is going on. So no more quick frustration and I will start one thing at a time. Right now it is the eating more healthy. It has worked in the past for me so lets see what happens.

New Years What?

2007-12-27T19:05:00.000-06:00

I hate when people ask what your resolutions are going to be. Nobody ever keeps them. So with the new year coming soon I was thinking about what I would like to accomplish with the new year. So instad of making any resolutions I would like to make some GOALS for the year of 2008. I'm not sure exactly what they are going to be or even if I will share them but one that I know for sure is to be a better wife.
It is my husbands birthday today and he didn't ask for a thing. We had my brother over and a close dear friend. Nothing major, just spending time together. I am so blessed that we found each other and we became husband and wife almost 7 years ago(that will be in May of 2008). This is a man that married a woman that had MS and has a child from another marriage. My girlfriends would tease that I would never find anyone who would marry me. I would just laugh and say there is someone out there and he will be a very special man. We have our differences and I still drive him crazy with my stubborness but we are there for each other when it means the most. I'm going to sit down with Polo over the weekend and share with him my goals for 08. I might even get my son involved with this one. Think about what goals you will have for 08. Share them if you like or keep them to yourself. Either way do it for yourself.

Merry Christmas to All

2007-12-24T10:06:00.000-06:00

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. Blessing to all my old and new friends. Enjoy this time with your family and take the time to just take a breathe and see the joy around you and appreciate what you have.

Merry Christmas

Fun in the Snow

2007-12-21T18:40:00.000-06:00

My hubby and son decided to have some fun tonight in the backyard by making a new friend. This guy was created with items they found in the garage. Love their creativity. The things boys do when it is a dark foggy night.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Christmas Cookies

2007-12-21T18:35:00.001-06:00

So I found a way to download from my camera since the usual way isn't working. Here are some pictures from our two nights of making Grandma's cookies. To our fellow Grinchologist, if you notice in the one picture there was a Grinch cookie made in your honor. We had a blast making them but Mitchell is having more fun eating them.

Merry Christmas

Christmas Past

2007-12-18T14:01:00.000-06:00

I love nothing more than looking back at old pictures. I found this in my closet after posting about my Grandma and her cookie tradition. So in memory of my Grandma, for Christmas, I am posting this picture for her. I can't believe the way they would dress me back then. What were they thinkin?

Love to you Gram

Grandma's Cutouts

2007-12-18T13:43:00.000-06:00

So this weekend we did our family tradition of baking Grandma's recipe for butter cookies. I would have pictures but my camera doesn't want to cooperate with the computer, maybe later. Saturday we made the cut outs and baked them all and on Sunday we frosted them. Now comes in the big tradition my Grandma started and it has been carried down to me. My brothers won't do it anymore. Grandma would make her homemade frosting and color it in different colors, blue, green, red, yellow & white. Then comes the utensils to frost......toothpicks. Yes, you heard it right, toothpicks.Each of every cookie is done with toothpicks and yes it takes hours. As a kid my brothers and I would help my mom. Of course by the 5th cookie my brothers were long gone. I started this with Mitchell years ago. He gets into it believe it or not. He does get tired and walk away but comes back not wanting to miss anything. It is a great time for us to sit and talk and remember Christmas pasts. My husband looked at me like I was nuts when I first told him about this but he enjoys it to. As time consuming as it can be it just isn't Christmas without making Grandma's cutouts. Probably by the last dozen or so we are getting lazy and just throwing the frosting on in any way. I'll have to get my camera working so you can all see our works of art.

Not a Snow Day

2007-12-12T14:23:00.000-06:00

So here in Illinois our kids didn't have a snow day yesterday but an Ice Day. We had an ice storm that lasted from about 2am until midnight last night. It was some crazy weather. Mitchell has been sick since last Friday so he didn't care much. That should be another holiday tradition, stomach flu or just flu. I don't know what he had. All I do know is that he had a fever and pretty much laid in bed watching tv. He didn't even complain. He was quite and still. What a perect patient. So when the ice storm hit he was happy he didn't have to go to school but it was basically just another day. The trees looked awesome, like frozen glass. I don't know if you can tell from the picture or not. I got alot of my baking done ayway but now I am exhausted.

Time to curl up on the couch with my big fuzzy blanket and a glass of spiked eggnog or my hot chai tea and watch a Christmas movie.

Want to be an ELF?

2007-12-06T09:20:00.001-06:00

Have you ever thought what it would be like to be an Elf? Well now you have your chance. I found this website, elfyourself.com. Download a pciture of yourself and create a dancing Elf. Any of you that have bladder issues be careful. My family and I haven't stopped laughing. Here is my son & hubby. I'm sure they will love that I am doing this. Let's see what you are like as an Elf.

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1192986766

Merry Christmas

HAPPY DECEMBER

2007-12-05T08:02:00.001-06:00

Last night we went to see Mitchell play basketball in another town. Sprikles of snow were coming down when we left. It looked like a mini blizzard when we came out of the school. It would usuallt take about 25 minutes to get home from the school and it took about an hour. We woke up this morning to snow overed everything. We did get lucky and our city actually plowed the streets. I love the snow. I lived in California one year during Chirstmas and hated it. What I don't like are people that drive like they have never seen snow before. HELLO....we live in Chicago, IL people, we get snow. Well I live North of it but still. Of course Mitchell was hoping for a snow day. Not yet. I wish that to. I love having him home this time of year, any time of year for that matter. This is good fireplace weather and sitting on the couch bundled up watching a good movie. Eating Christmas cookies of course.

HAPPY DECEMBER

You have been Grinched

2007-12-01T12:21:00.000-06:00

Since a dear, new friend of mine was talking about being a Grinchologist on her blog the other day, Mitchell did this photo just for you. This is one of Mitchell's traditions, always watching the Grinch movies.

He loves the Grinch.

Da Da Da... Da Grinch

Merry Christmas

Christmas Fun

2007-11-30T22:37:00.000-06:00

Taking a moment from Christmas traditions, I got this email the other day from my good friend for the Christmas edition of Getting to Know You . So I am posting my answers and tagging a couple friends to answer also.

1. Do you put up a real tree or artificial? Artificial
2. When do you put up your tree? Weekend after Thanksgiving
3. When do you take down the tree? Weekend after New Years
4. Do you like eggnog? Yes Spiked or not? Spiked, sometimes
5. Favorite gift received as a child? Bracelet from my brother
6. Worst Christmas gift ever received? Can't remember one
7. Favorite Christmas movie? White Christmas or Christmas Vacation, watching with my brothers
8. Have you ever recycled a present? No
9. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Homemade cookies
10. Favorite Christmas song? White Christmas, love Bing Crosby
11.Most annoying thing about this time of year? People who don't wish you Merry Christmas, Scrooges
12. What you love most about the holiday? Spending it with family, especially my brothers & their families
13. How many reindeer did Santa have? 9
14. Best Christmas memory? Santa showing up at our door and I jumped in my moms lap because it scared me
15. If you could have one Christmas wish what would it be? To spend one more Christmas with my mom, it was her favorite holiday

I am tagging Saralyn, Beth and White Lighting Axiom

More Holiday Traditions

2007-11-28T14:30:00.000-06:00

One tradition I started when Mitchell was born was the Christmas card with his picture on it. I know so many people hate these kind of cards but for me it is my way to have people see how Mitchell has grown over the year. We try to get creative with the pictures every year. Mitchell is still into it so I have that in my favor for awhile. I have in the past also sent out a letter on what has been happening throughout the year too. We have friends and family out of state so this is a way to keep up with each other. We didn't do the picture card when I was growing up but friends did and we looked forward to seeing the cards every year. I have friends now that do it also. Some are very creative with their cards. Of course this year Mitchell wants something to do with his joining basketball. I'm trying to think of something special but it hasn't come to mind yet. Hopefully soon. I ususally have my cards out by the second week of December. It has to be early so I have more time for the Christmas cookies. That's another tradition.....for next time.

Holiday Traditions

2007-11-26T08:02:00.000-06:00

I guess this is going to be the theme of many peoples blogs this next month. That's ok, I love to see how people celebrate there Christmas season with family traditions.

The day after Thanksgiving, ever since my husband Polo & I got married, we have our own little Thanksgiving dinner, just Polo, myself and Mitchell. Mitchelll is actually the one that started this. Some years he is at his dads and others we go to my brothers. So on Friday I make us our own little dinner. Since Mitchell was little we go the Woodstock Square on Friday night, the day after Thanksgiving, and watch the lighting of the square. There are carolers, hot chocolate, carriage rides, Santa and such Christmas spirit. Then we go home to warm ourselves up and watch some movies we had rented and eat leftovers until we can't move. Also on this weekend is when we put up our tree and lights outside. The outside lights duty is for my hubby and Mitchell to do. I usually stay in and have the hot chocolate ready for them. The putting up of the tree on this weekend started when I was little. I love passing down the traditions I had growing up to Mitchell and making our own new ones. Mitchell is really into traditions and I love that. My husband kind of laughs at me because some things have to be done just right, it's TRADITION! He didn't grow up that way but enjoys getting into the spirit. I wonder if anyone has a tradition for something else besides around the holidays. Happy Holidays!

Being Thankful

2007-11-17T23:28:00.000-06:00

So I have been looking back at some past posts, won't do that again. Man am I a whinner. Anyways, with Thanksgiving coming up I was thinking about what I am thankful for. The first thing that popped into my head was my health. Now I know some of you are thinking, what the heck is she talking about. Well I haven't been having the best year with my MS but I am still thankful. As sad, upset, angry, SCARED as I have been lately I am thankful that things aren't worse. My beautiful, amazing son. He is the beat that keeps my heart going. My family, I have 4 awesome brothers. Well, three are my crutch. They have taught me so much in my life. My husband for his patients, easy going nature and strength dealing with such a stubborn strong headed Sicilian woman. (don't think the poor guy knew what he was getting into) My neuro, couldn't do this without him. Friends, don't have that many that have stuck around through my medical journey, but the ones that have stayed are the best. My church family, they give me strength and guidance more than they know. My list can go on but without this last gift I am thankful for I couldn't have any of these things. That is GOD. I am thankful he excepts me for who I am and loves me anyways.

Tag your it!

2007-11-11T14:07:00.001-06:00

So I have been tagged by my friend Saralyn to name 8 random things about myself. This was actually more difficult than I thought, especially with the ms brain lately. So here it goes:

1. I had cervical cancer and was told I would never be able to have children. Proved those docs wrong now didn't I. Hello to Mitchell 2 years later

2. I am obsessive about keeping my house smelling clean. I have 3 dogs & one preteen need I say more. Just joking about the animals & my son.

3. When I was little I wanted to be a professional dancer.

4. When I was a CNA in a hospital I got to witness a man that was in a coma for 2 years wake up. His first words were "I'm hungry". We didn't give him the hospital food, that would have been to cruel.

5. I met my husband, Polo, when I worked at the hospital. He worked as a security guard. His story is he protected me from a violent patient and saved me. Partly true

6. I have one friend from middle school that I still keep in contact with. She actually lives in my same town and we went to school almost two hours away from here. She is a friend I can really count on. Now remember we are 41 now so it has been awhile

7. I had perfectly straight hair until I was diagnosed with ms. Two months after starting my meds, my hair became curly.

8. When I was little my mom would make candles. One day when I was bored and my brother was supposed to be watching me I decided to try to make a candle. The entire kitchen was filled with smoke. My brother called the fire dept. because he didn't know where the smoke was coming from.

So here is my eight. Now it is time to tag some others. My fellow taggers are: Braincheese, Bubbie, AZ Chick, Disabled Not Dead, White Lightning Axiom

Ho Hum

2007-11-06T05:49:00.000-06:00

Eeyore was very glad to be able to stop thinking for a little, in order to say "How do you do" in a gloomy manner to Pooh. "And how are you?" said Winnie-the-Pooh. Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to felt at all how for a long time."

So how many times have you felt like Eeyore? This past week has been a total Eeyore week for me. I feel like I'm just trudging along. Is that even a word? I had a slight relapse about 2 weeks ago or so. My memory hasn't been the same since July. So doc put me on a 6 day dose of steroids. Not to much of a change. Now we are trying some major amounts of vitamins to see if that will get the brain working. He has some other ideas if that doesn't work. If this is the way of life I may have to get used to now, well then call me Eeyore. No not really. I'm going to keep fighting this and see how far I can bring the memory back. Thanks to my favorite Cheese, my spirits are getting better. This is a hard one to handle. I have my days where I think I'm just going to give up. It gets so frustrating talking with someone and not being able to find the word you are trying to say. It is like it is floating in your brain but you just can't grasp it. But on the days I want to give up I look into my sons face and know I don't have a choice of what to do. I'm done giving myself pitty parties. Not to many people show up anyways. I have found support from some of my church family. It's actually comforting when they ask about the details instead of the generic, How are you feeling? For me it makes me feel like they are taking the time to listen & understand. Not like they did their job of asking. Ok, enough of being Eeyore let's see who else I can be. How about ME! It's not all that bad.

That's my Boy!!

2007-10-29T23:09:00.000-05:00

You are looking at a future NBA player.

Today Mitchell came home from practice and couldn't wait to show me his jersey's. There are two, home & away. I couldn't get him to stand still long enough to get any pictures of him in both jerseys. Once the professional pics are done I'll put one up. But I couldn't resist putting these up. I'm really proud of this kid. He has been working so hard and can't wait until the first game on Thursday. I had him at the doctors this morning because he has had a sore throat for almost a week. Just allergies. Of course when you go to the docs you get weight & height taken. He is now 5'8" and 160 lbs. All boy!! Sorry Mitchell, "young man."

After the appointment we played hooky for a bit. We went to our favorite coffee shop and each got one of our favorite drinks. Mitchell's was a creamy carmel freeze. Then I took him back to school. I didn't feel to bad doing it, it was his lunch hour anyways. I think I am going to be the one more nervous on Thursday. My baby is getting a dream come true and he deserves it. It is always a good feeling when someone you love is happy. It was funny because I said to Mitchell that his jerseys are so wrinkled and he told me coach suggestd to wash them before the game. Yea that's what I was thinking. Then I started to laugh nonstop. Mitchell looked at me like I was nuts and asked what was so funny. I told him he wouldn't believe me if I told him. At the moment I said I would wash them it was like my mom was standing right next to me saying "You better iron that uniform for him". I think my brothers used to have the cleanest football uniforms in the state. My mom made sure everything was clean and ironed. She would always say, I don't care how much or how little money we have you will not look like a slob.

I'm going to end this post with one last comment: All the crap that ms dishes out, bring it on. Because I am here and alive and I am going to see my son play in his first middle school basketball game on Thursday and nothing is going to stop me.

Waiting for results

2007-10-27T18:34:00.000-05:00

So for the past week I have been going and having blood drawn, eyes checked and started on steroids plus more vitamins. All this because my memory seems to be slipping again and I have had some horrible headaches going on. Steroids to see if memory comes back, eyes checked because neuro thought he saw something and blood drawn to check on vitamin levels. Well I have had a bit of the rage with the steroids. I say a bit but my family would say differently. Today my son said he was glad I'm back. They didn't make me feel the same as last time. No major hunger. Now I have all these carrots in my frig. Have you ever been on medication for something and then the doc asks how it's working and your just not sure. That is how I feel with the steroids. I feel like the memory is getting better but then a while later I'm like no it hasn't changed. Is this a side effect from the steroids? DOUBT IT. Don't know what my neuro saw but my eye doc says my eyes look very healthy considering I have ms. My one eye has changed alot so that should change the headaches once I get my new glasses. I startd on more Folic Acid like neuro asked. I think it has helped. Haven't gotten the blood work back to know what was founf. My husband grabbed some B12 while at the store. He was so funny. He comes home and says "I found this and it says it helps with memoryso I thought I would get it for you. I thought I would take it to. Look at that my brain is working better just holding the bottle." I tell him all the time he needs his memory checked more than I do. You should have seen us at the store last week. Coming out to the parking lot he asked where he parked. I looked at him shaking my head and saying we are so screwed when we get old.

I was talking with a friend the other day and telling her all that is going on with me and she says, "Yea I know how you feel and goes on to compare our situations. People seriously make me nuts.

Feeling like a Blowfish

2007-10-19T10:52:00.000-05:00

So the past couple weeks I have been fighting with a cold. I was determined not to let it get so out of hand I would be bed ridden for months like last year. I was doing pretty well under the circumstances. I mean who likes having to blow their nose every 10 minutes anyways. Of course the fatigue comes on full force with it. But I behaved and stayed in bed. While going through this I felt very brain foggy. Ok it is just the cold. Everything is going on up there. Then the vision was just not right. Even wearing my glasses would make it worse. So I waited it out until the cold got better. No such luck. Went to my nuero yesterday and I am back on the roids for 6 days. I just lost half the weight from the last time. He also wants me to take more Folic Acid. He said I am very vitamin deficient. I'm going in for some more blood work and a a check up with my eye doctor because my neuro say some haze in my eyes. Wants to see if it is the ms or just age. Have you ever found yourself saying "Well I hope it is because I am getting older." He made comment if it is age that it might be something corrected through surgery. The thought of someone touching my eyes, yuck. I made my husband take all the sweets out of the house last night and made him promise not to bring anything home until I'm off the roids. I know your supposed to stay away from the sugar but who listens when your on those meds. I broke the news to my son last night. He was a mess last time. With it being my first time in July we didn't know how I would react and it was hard for him. I said it will be better because I'm not getting the IV's. He was so excited yesterday coming home from part one of tryouts. He was exhausted. Talk about a sweaty kid. Right to the shower man. The smell of a sweaty 12 year old, there is nothing like it. This morning was part two, he was up at 5:00am and out the door by 6:15. He made me laugh, saying this just isn't right going to school when it is still dark.The coach is announcing at lunch who made the team. He needs this right now. Send some prayers out to me that the roids take away all this latest crap.

Practice, Practice, Practice

2007-10-15T13:54:00.000-05:00

I swear, ever since my son was 2 years old he has loved basketball. He has done some junior leagues while growing up but now is the time he has been waiting for. The big middle school tryouts. What he would say is the first step to his dream. The first tryout is Thursday after school and then after the cuts again Friday morning before school. He wants this more than.........

playing with playstation2 or PSP. You parents know what I'm talking about. He dreams of playing in the NBA someday but of course has his back up in case things don't work out. Why not dream big!! He is so pumped up for these tryouts he has the ball in his hand every chance he gets. First thing in the morning before school and late at night until dark and then the lights go on in the backyard. He is living and breathing basketball. Once homework is done he is outside practicing his jumps and layups. He is running on the treadmill and using weights. He is watching what he eats. His big thing to tell me lately is how eating to much sugar isn't good. "Do you know mom that if you eat something sugary in the morning you might feel ok but later you will feel this big drop in energy." Wow son, why haven't I ever thought of that. wink wink. I'm really proud of him working so hard at this. He still needs to be reminded that homework comes first. Mitchell tells me he wants to get shoes that will match his uniform. Blue & silver are the school colors and warhawk is the school mascot. So I guess we will be doing some shopping next weekend. Even though we live in IL his favorite team now is the Milwaukee Bucks. His favorite player is Michael Redd. Mitchell got a chance to meet him a couple weeks ago at the teams tip off party. He got his autograph and his picture taken with him. Talk about making a kids dream come true. I know we all want the best for our kids in so many ways. When I think of the many times we haven't been able to do things because of my ms it breaks my heart. (I was trying not to bring those two letters into this post) It makes my heart so happy for these times when my son has the biggest smile on his face. Mitchell asked if I am going to be one of those moms that sits in the bleachers screaming for the team. My answer was of course I am. Wouldn't want it any other way mom, was his reply.

Lover not a Fighter

2007-10-04T13:54:00.000-05:00

If anyone has read my past posts you know I have a son in 7th grade who is about 5'8" 155 pounds. He is definatley one of the tallest kids in 7th grade. Mitchell has been coming home in a horrible mood this week. On Tuesday he was as foul as you can get. He was actually in a talking mood so I had to put on my mom ears, since I have battling with a cold since the weekend and totally feel like crap my attention span isn't the best. He procedes to tell me how this group of boys are walking down the halls and knocking books out of other students hands. Then they say that you have been KO'd. (what the hell that means I have no clue). So one of these boys has made it his mission to go after my kid. The funny thing is this kid barely comes up to my sons shoulder. Now Mitchell wouldn't hurt a fly and right now he won't even tell the kid to knock it off because he doesn't want to be labeled the whinner. This is the same kid a couple weeks ago that was spitting bb's at other students at lunch. Since my son doesn't want to tell the kid to stop I asked what is he going to do. He said well I guess I will handle it until he decides to get physical and then I will knock him out. Of course we had a talk but I don't know how much it sunk in. Of course the protective mom wants to come out and knock the kid out myself. The thing that is hard is talking to someone at school about it, do I or don't I. Does a parent want to be known as the complaining parent that when any little thing happens they are on the phone to school or do you call and talk because who else is going to advocate for your child besides you. I did talk with the principal yesterday because the 7th grade are getting lap tops in a wek or so and I'm not paying for it to get fixed if these kids are knocking everyones stuff down. So the teachers had a talk with the kids in every class after lunch time but as soon as the one class that has my son & that one kid in it got out, I'll let you guess what this kid did. What cracks me up is this little twerp picking on one of the biggest in his grade. I think he should be knocked on his *** so maybe he won't think he is all that. I told Mitchell I think this is one reason he gets alot of crap is because some of these kids want to see how far they can push him since he is pretty big for his age. That is why I said if this kid keeps doing this stuff just look him in the eye and tell him to stop. And what do i tell him when something does get physical, fight back to defend yourself. My brain-MS or not-can't get a grasp on this. This kind of stuff just irritates me. It is hard enough for kids to go to school and learn what they need to without these little ****heads that don't want to learn a thing roaming around the school looking to se what trouble they can start next.

Back on Track

2007-09-29T09:38:00.000-05:00

Fall is here in IL. It is time to start a new season. I don't know if it comes with season changes or the weather but for the past week and a half I have been dealing with a.......I can't call it a headache. It was like someone was inside my head squeezing my brain. You know when you get a headache your whole head can hurt. Not this time. Not a migraine either, I have had those before. I was waiting it out to se if it would go away once the weather was consistant here. It took awhile but one day I woke up and this pain was gone as quickly as it came. I think that is one of the things that drives me crazy with the MS. Probably anyone with a disease or some kind of condition. Is it the disease or something else going on. I'm doing well now. Enjoying this fall season weather of middle to high 70's right now. Great sleeping weather at night. It is soccer season here and our little neighbor boys are all involved. So today again we go watch the little guys try and kick the ball. The one boy Elijah is such an athlete and he is 6. Football season is almost over. In about a week is the big rival game between the two middle schools. My son didn't try out for football this year but is excited to see the other team get creamed. Basketball try outs start in another week so we are getting ready for that. I love this time of year. I love to bake so the recipes come out for apple crisp, pie and a new apple bread recipe. Pumkin cookies and breads also. Soups to warm the heart. My neice gets married in a few weeks in Vegas. Sad that we won't be able to make it. I'm trying to keep spirits up because as much as I love this time of year it is hard because this was my moms favorite time also. we did so much together. That is probably why I love it too. Great memories. Hope everyone is starting down the path of feeling better. It seemed a rough couple of months there for so many.

How are you feeling?

2007-09-20T13:59:00.000-05:00

I haven't written anything in over a week because I just feel like I am a blog sitting on the couch lately. I have been reading alot of your blogs out there and it seems there is a common thing going on. ANGER & FEAR. For myself I have trying to figure out what emotion is going on inside. I have had such a battle with myself since this last episode of MS. It was a big one. More like a reality check of having MS. I have been very fortunate with the disease as far as my symptoms and how many exacerbations I have had. This last one was like MS saying "Don't be so cocky, I'll get you too". Am I angry to have the disease, of course I am. It has taken away so much as far as time with my family or doing anything with my son. Like anything else it doesn't just effect you it effects everyone around you. I try to think of it as there are others out there that have it worse than me so quit being on the pity potty. Do I have fear with this disease, of coure I do. This last episode effected my mind in a big way. I couldn't even finish a sentence because I couldn't remember what to say. My son was worried there would be a time I wouldn't remember him. How does someone handle that. How do you look into your childs face and say it will be ok when you don't know what the future will bring. I pray all the time this disease won't get to bad before my son is grown and can be on his own if needed. You see I am divorced from my sons dad and they don't have the best relationship. (That is putting it lightly) If he had to live with his dad it would be.........I can't even find the words, it just turns my stomach to think about my son living without me. That is why I try and fight this disease every day and try to stay healthy with what I CAN do. But again this last one gave me a wake up call to say I don't have that much control. I am thankful I found so many MSers with their blogs. It helps to hear everyones story & what they go through every day. We are not alone even though the thing we have in common has to suck so much. Thanks to you all who have helped me with your comments. I appreciate your humor, insight & wisdom. Let's keep fighting together.

WHAT?

2007-09-10T14:59:00.000-05:00

Ok here it is. My son comes home from school Friday and shows me & my hubby a kid in lunch gave him 20 bucks. He said the kid told him his parents gave it to him for his lunch account or whatever he wants it for. He didn't want it so he asked my son if he did. My son took it then thought a minute and said "ya know you should probably take this back so you don't get in trouble." Again the kid said no it is ok, if you don't want it I'll give it to Zach (my sons friend sitting next to him) Zach took it then said well if you really don't want it. Looked at Mitchell and asked if he was sure he didn't want it. So my son took it again. Mitchell said to the boy "Your not going to turn around and say I took it or be stupid about it are you? Some of the other kids at the table said he can't they all heard him. So my sons question to us was can he go spend it over the weekend. I guess this boy did this last year also but not so much money at one time. I am feeling really uncomfortable about this. I guess I am a bit in shock that this even happened. My first thought was that this boy was trying to buy a friendship. My son doesn't hang around this boy at all. Doesn't have any classes with him. He did eat lunch with him last year also. He did this last year with other kids. So how do you handle a situation like this with your child. I would love some opinions on it. My husband & I have been back & forth about it.

1st Week

2007-09-07T18:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, we got through the first week of school. Mitchell was a bit bored. He just wanted the teachers to quit talking about nonsense and get to the work part. Who's child is this anyways? You know how that first week is with the teachers talking about what they are going to do this school year, expectations plus their rules. He is still liking his teachers(things can change in a week you know) He got his wish and had homework for two nights this week plus the weekend. I hate when he has homework. It is a constant battle to get him to focus on the work and get it done. Is this a boy thing or just a kid thing? He is so easily distracted. Most of the teachers have him filling out a paper about himself so they can get to know him better. It is hard to answer questions about yourself when your put on the spot. Unfortunately he goes to the dads house this weekend so I won't enjoy any fun time with him. He does come home at night so I will have a bit of time with him. I enjoy the evenings right before bed when he is fresh out of the shower and in the pj's. Even being a big 12 he likes to cuddle with his mom. This is when he usually opens up about what is going on and his feelings. I take it when I can get it. It gets real interesting when the 3 dogs try to get on the bed to.

School Day

2007-09-04T21:50:00.000-05:00

Today was my son Mitchell's first day of the school year. He is in 7th grade now. Where does the time go. It seems not so long ago that I was dropping him off for preschool. It has become our tradition to go have ice cream after the first day and to share what his day was like. He likes all his teachers and has friends in all his classes. He was excited to learn in health class this year he will learn CPR and become certified. He learned about some field trips they will take this year including the big 7th grade overnight trip in the spring to Springfield IL to see some historic attractions. At my sons school they have classes that rotate every 8 weeks or so and this year they have a new class called world languages. So Mitchell found out the language he will be learning this year will be German. Of course he wanted something like Italian since my family is from Sicily. He wants to go there some day. I am really proud of my boy. He went to school with a positive attitude and hoping for the best. He says he feels this will be a good year. He is hoping to try out for the basketball team in October. Of course the coaches see the size of him and want him to try out. He is 5'7", last time we checked. One of the very few 7th grade boys that tall. He joined band again this year too. He is excellent on the trumpet. I don't know where he gets all this talent. Lets wait and see what exciting things happen this school year.

Fatigue vs Tired

2007-09-04T11:21:00.000-05:00

When people hear you have MS and one of the symptoms is fatigue, they relate that with being tired. So why can't you take a nap and it will all be right again. If it was only that simple. Have you ever looked the two words up in the dictionary? They pretty much mean the same thing. In the MS world they are different. If you are tired you can most likely take a nap and be ready to go all over again. With MS and having fatigue it doesn't work that way, at least not for me. If for anyone else I would love to hear about it because I haven't met anyone with MS yet that can get over the fatigue. I was talking to someone last week about my son and how I have failed as a parent with discipline. I give my kid way to much slack and now that he is 12 I need to really buckle down and stick with the rules or he is going to get out of control. Don't get me wrong he is a great kid but like any other he pushes the boundaries and I let him get away with it to often. Most of the time it is because I am to exhausted to battle with him. It should be as simple as "I said no" and that is that. Does it really work that easy? Do I use my MS as an excuse? I didn't think so. But when the person I was talking to said to stop using my MS as an excuse, inside I wanted to blow. Sometimes I get pissed off with people that say things like that because how do they even know what I am going through. Because they have been tired before. Big deal! I would love to feel tired again. I used to be a single mom that would work an 8-12 hour shift at the hospital and still be able to clean, grocery shop, laundry and volunteer at my sons school. This has changed over the past couple years. I was the person that could live on only 4-5 hours of sleep and get everything done I needed to and still have the energy for more. So don't tell me to stop using MS as an excuse. My life has totally changed since the diagnoses and I am doing the best I can. Yea I should be doing things differently but just the words of using MS as an excuse keep running through my head and I can't let go of it. I am the one that wouldn't let anyone judge me because of this and would go overboard with everything I did so I wouldn't let this disease take me over. Now I have given in little by little because I can only do so much now without it taking me over completely. I think part of the anger is because my husband was sitting there during this conversation and didn't say anything in my defense. I will let this go eventually. I think just needing to vent has helped alot. Thanks to anyone who has listened.

It's OK!

2007-08-28T16:23:00.000-05:00

Today is one of the few days lately that I feel that it is ok that I have to deal with having MS. My son made a friend this past school year and became pretty good friends. The boy was over at our house at least once a week hanging out. Then in June for my sons birthday party, his friend was over and we were sitting around talking about dogs. My sons friend, Zach, has 2 great danes. He was talking about how the dogs go crazy every time the UPS man comes with his moms medicine. I asked if she was ok and he said she was diagnosed with MS in April. My mouth dropped open. My son was speechless. (That takes alot) So we told him I have had it for 9 years. Later that night I called and talked to her and we have been phone buddies ever since. I have been trying to get her to go to my doc for awhile since the one she is going to was my first and was not helpful or positive is the first word that comes to mind. So today I get a phone call from my new MS friend saying she went to my doc and he wants to get her to the hospital for a new MRI and get her started on steroids. With everything she had to say about how she feels she has been declining for awhile. Her speech has gotten so bad in the past couple months plus her right leg is starting to drag. Now why her original doc hasn't done anything is why I left him. Just part of the processes of having MS he says. BULLSHIT!
Ok maybe that is how MS progresses but you don't leave your patient hanging out to dry and just say deal with it. She is really scared right now since this is still so new to her and really hasn't had a chance to take in the change that is going on wwith her body. I am just glad that I am here to help her with anything she might need. It is easy to be there for people when they need you but it is even better when you can really know what they are going through. With me going through the steroids just over a month ago I have a bit of info for her. I have learned alot from the other MS bloggers I have been reading. I am thankful I have come across so many of you out there. There are a few of you that have responded to some of my posts with comments that have been uplifting, full of information and just snapped me out of it when I needed it the most. Even though I have been battling with my own MS demons lately, today has woken me up to the fact that someone else out there is having it worse then me. This is when I pick myself up and get going to the way of life that I know is best for me so I can be there for the people that need me. If anyone has any info they feel is important for a new MSer to know, share it with me so I can give it to my friend. We are all in this together and together we can get through.

Tired of being tired

2007-08-24T10:58:00.000-05:00

It has been at least a week of rain, heat & humidity here in IL. Only 10 days left of summer before school starts. I am so tired of feeling tired. I want to feel some energy to be able to do something with my son before school starts. This weeek I have been angry with my MS. It has only been 3 weeks since I started back with my Copaxone injections and I am sick of it. I can't even get a hug from my family without feeling sore. Plus battling with the weight gain from being on the steroids doesn't help. I feel there are alot of things we can adjust to make life with MS a little better but when you have so many issues at one time how do you get yourself out from under the rubble. I have always been a fighter and kept a positive attitude. My doc would tease that MS was to afraid of me with the stubborn headed Italian in me. This time the MS is winning. Up until a year ago nobody would have even known I had MS, I was doing so well. When I tried going to support groups they would look at me like I don't need to be there and I better not dare complain. I don't know about anyone else but I seem to get these (what I call) rain headaches. Since it has been raining for over a week now my head is about to explode. I don't know the last time I laughed or smiled. I don't want MS to define me but lately I feel like it has striped me of my true self. Of course you go to the doc & say something they just want to put you on an anti depressant. I am so sick of pills & shots. I'm just sitting here thinking, what would I do if I could have one day without MS. Interesting question. Anyone have an answer?

Fresh Air

2007-08-17T22:01:00.000-05:00

Finally after weeks of hot & humid weather I was able to open some windows here at home today. The temperature was in the high 70's. We have three dogs and they love nothing more than being able to go in & out the screen door. That is only possible when the weather is nice. With the weather being so good I had a burst of energy and what did I do but clean my house and do laundry. ICK! It is supposed to be nice like this for the whole weekend. I hope so. That will mean some nice walks with my family & the dogs. Maybe some basketball in the backyard with my son, and the fire pit at night roasting marshmellows. I love these summer nights when there is a cool breeze coming in the windows. That is when I get the best sleep. Unless my youngest dog, Skyra, decides something has scared her and she jumps on the bed with me and practically lays on top of me. It's hard to get upset with her when she stares at you with those big brown eyes. We have had some pretty bad storms lately. So along with all the water we are also battling the dreaded MOSQUITOS. Between all the bites and me starting back on my Copaxone shots I feel like eventually I will turn into a giant welt. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my evening reading a good book with the breeze coming through our windows.

Parenting

2007-08-16T22:04:00.000-05:00

I never thought parenthood was going to be so hard. My son is now 12 and going to be starting seventh grade in a couple weeks. I think the hardest thing is acknowledging that they are growing up and need to start making their own decisions. I don't think a child is going to learn unless they live and make their own mistakes. My son is at the age where every time you try to talk to him he thinks it is a lecture. Then again just when I think he isn't listening I hear him say something I told him weeks ago. Every year brings new adventures. My baby that would cuddle in my lap has now grown to 5'7" and 160 pounds and still there are days he wants to cuddle in my lap. I have said it before, I wish my mom was here for this. I need her advice on so many things. When my son and I talk about this he says grandma would be sitting back laughing saying "What goes around comes around." Yes, I wasn't the best preteen myself. I have learned to try and let the little things go, like him wanting to grow his hair. Letting go so your child can fall once in awhile to learn by their mistakes is not the easiest thing to do. I try to give him my best advice and let him know that no matter what choice he makes I will be here for him. I want to hold on forever. He is already talking about going to college and what career he wants to have when he is older. Again where is the little boy that would make me pizza out of his playdough set or when I couldn't find him he was hiding in the kitchen cabinets. We need to cherish every moment we have because we only get one chance. I want my son to have good memories of me and him. I couldn't be prouder of the young man he is becoming.

The amazing 4

2007-08-12T17:25:00.000-05:00

I don't remember how I came across this story. There are 4 guys that on August 1st set out on their bikes to travel from Washington to Maine. You might ask what are they thinking? They are doing it to raise money for research for MS. The names of these amazing guys are Devin Petry, Karl Miller, Donald Fraser & Mason Calwell. I don't know if they will reach there goal but one thing I am sure of is that they will definetly be raising awareness. So many know what cancer, alzheimers and many other diseases are. Multiple Sclerosis is still such an unknown to people. When you tell someone what you have they look at you funny because they just don't know. Back to the real story. Check out these guys on there website and see if they are going through your town. Send them an email and let them know you are cheering them on. I wish they were coming near my town because I would love to be able to give them a nice place to sleep for the night or a good home cooked meal for what they are doing. These guys are sleeping in tents. I am so impressed with these four. I am going to send them an email myself but I hope they truly know how much this means to so many of us with MS. Let's help these guys reach their goal. Send the story to all your family & friends. Good luck to the amazing 4!
www.biketheusforms.org

Frustrated or thankfull

2007-08-09T20:12:00.000-05:00

So today I am battling with frustration and thankfulness. Since I can't work a full time job because of my MS I work part time at night from home making phone calls for the Vietnam Veterans to set up donation pick ups. I get paid for every pick up that actually happens. Plus I need to meet a quota every week. It is not that easy. People can be pretty nasty on the phone and it is hard to stay cheerful. So now the company I send my work into is saying they aren't getting it or it is in to late and I am not getting paid. This I find frustrating when I am trying to get a child ready for school with supplies, clothes and physical (he needs it for sports). Plus along with the medical bills I have from my recent battle with my MS and still paying for my husbands bills when he unexpectantly had to stay in the hospital last year for three days and have surgery. I am thankfull he is now well, I am thankfull that I can bring some kind of money into the house to help. I am thankfull for being frustrated because that means I have a home and the bills that go along with having a home, so we have a roof over our heads. I don't know how others with MS can make it. Is there some secret I haven't heard about. How can people survive, with all the struggles they face every day because of this illness we have been so lucky to receive. (ok that was a bit sarcastic). I don't think I ask for much. I just want a job that can contribute to the household and is part time. Doing it from the house would be ideall but I know that is a long shot. I feel like I have let my husband down. He works so hard to provide for me and my son.(technically his stepson but they both hate that word) Then you get disappointed that your not providing the best for your child. It's not that I want him to have stuff but I want him to be active in school & the community. I say my prayers and wait for the answer..................
I'm still waiting.

Understanding

2007-08-04T11:28:00.000-05:00

How do you get someone to understand what you are going through medically especially when they are your family. I have had MS for 9 years and for the most part I have been pretty healthy. There have been my limitations and my bad days but lately with my latest exacerbation my family seems to look at me like why are you acting like you can't do anything , why ar you so down and what is the matter with you. Sometimes my biggest frustration is with my family because they seem to forget themselves that I have this disease. I want my home to be my safe place where I don't need to explan all the time why I can't do something. Lately it doesn't seem to be that way. Is this asking to much? I don't know anymore. I do know that I have lost my spark and can't seem to find it. I used to have so much fire inside me that nothing would get me down with the MS. I would get up in the morning and be thankful I woke up to another day. Now it is such a chore to even get up. It is like what for it is just going to be the same thing. My doc says it is all normal. I don't want to be that normal anymore. I used to love life and be so carefree. I would be silly with my son. Now I am so uptight I can't stand being with myself. Can't even remember the last time I even really looked in the mirror at myself. This road I am on is just going in a circle and I need to find my way off. I know there is always going to be ups & downs in life, I don't expect things to be perfect. Up until now I wasn't really ever defined as the person who had MS. But lately with my latest exacerbation that is all people talk about when they see me. I want to be known for something besides the MS. Does ayone else ever feel they are defined by something they would rather not be? If my mother was here I'm sure she would be telling me to knock it off. After she gave me her hugs and words of wisdom. Life is so unpredictable. That is something I love about it and hate at the same time. Enough with the self pity. Time to make some changes.

Thankfull Friday

2007-07-27T22:47:00.000-05:00

These past few days have been rough with the heat and humidity. MS and these two just don't mix. A couple weeks back when I went to the doc because my MS has been acting up, which isn't normal for me, he sent me to get an MRI of the brain. I have been so fortunate these past 9 years with having MS that I have only dealt with the fatigue, balance and weakness. So when these other symptoms came up I knew something was goin on. I had memory loss, forgetfulness and major balance issues. Within 3 hours of having the test my doc called to say they found 2 new active lesions on my brain and I needed to get to the Er within the hour and start IV steroids. I did that for 3 days then went on the oral version. The side effects were miserable but the result of the meds were great. So back on track but still recovering. Now the big thing is I quit taking my copaxone about 5 years ago because I just couldn't afford it. Plus I changed my whole lifestyle, eating habits, foods I ate, excercise. I did so much better that my doc would tease me at how well I was doing and he felt like I didn't need him anymore. Not to mention that I am Sicilian and he would say with that my MS is to afraid to shows its face. If only that was true for everyone. So now with this lastest episode he wants me to go back on copaxone. I do have insurance but I'm sure alot of people know that doesn't mean alot to many. But I was on the phone this week with the copaxone company and I found out I was eligible for their assistance program. I got a call yesterday to say that I would be receiving the meds for the rest of this year for free. Then I need to reapply. This happen so fast. I got the call yesterday and today by noon the meds were at my door. I'm still in a bit of shock. I'm also a bit nervous to start the meds again. I try to keep a psoitive attitude with this disease but there are times I get so angry. Like lately with our finances being so tight and that is putting it lightly. I really wish I could contribute to the family more with working. But that is not for me. Not to many people want to hire someone that has a disease that is so unpredictable. Also not to many jobs you can do from home. Well God has his plan for me so I keep saying my prayers and keep my faith that he will get us through.

Sermons that change your life

2007-07-22T23:15:00.000-05:00

Have you ever been sitting in church and listening to your pastor and swear he was listening in on your life that week because the sermon seemed like it was meant just for you? That seems to happen every Sunday when I listen to our pastor, Steve. There have been many times I have walked out of church crying because his sermons touch me so much. His summer series he is preaching has me totally reevaluating my life. I am very thankful that he was guided to come to Calvary Baptist church. I'm sure many have woken up on Sunday and wish it may be another day because they want more sleep for various reasons. It is not that way at all for me at Calvary. A little more than 2 weeks ago I found out my M.S. (multiple sclerosis) had become active. I immediately had to go to the er to start treatment. The meds knocked me off my feet. My doc said stay home and stay away from large crowds of people because my immune system was so low I didn't need to take the chance and get sick. I woke up on Sunday and argued with my husband because he wanted me to stay home. I knew the only place for me to be that morning was at church. It was an emotional day for many. So many at our church are battling with illness. As bad as I was feeling with the reactions from my medication I never felt such an overwhelming sense of comfort with being at church. I can't find the words that I am trying to describe how I and including many at our church, we have all said it at one time or another, how with Steve's preaching you would think God himself is standing there telling you this is how it is and how you need to be. If you don't feel that way when you are at your own church if you are ever near Woodstock, IL you need to come to Calvary Baptist church and listen to Steve preach. You will walk out of the church feeling much different then when you walked in. Another way to hear Steve is go to the church website. His sermons are online. www.gotocalvary.org

Thoughts to my Son on his Birthday

2007-07-19T14:40:00.000-05:00

Son
I love you with all my heart.
No matter what situation life may bring you,
I want you to know I will be there to see you through.
I am very proud to have YOU as my son.
There are and will be more days that you don’t have the right answers,
However, always remember to learn from your mistakes.
You are growing stronger in wisdom with each passing year.
Remember to be kind to others even when you feel they might not deserve it.
Let others see the real you from the inside, the side you let me see the most.
Always be there for your family and friends.
Chose your friends with knowing they have the same goals as you and that they will help you grow to be a good man.
Never let go of the sensitivity and compassion you carry in your heart.
Keep your eyes wide open to all the amazing possibilities in the world.
Have strength and courage when it is needed most.
Know that I have always believed in you.
Don’t ever use CAN’T as an excuse, ALWAYS TRY.
Surround yourself with loving caring people, those who only have your best interest in mind.
Cherish your memories.
Remember a mistake is not a failure unless you let it keep you down.
Always take responsibility for your actions, good and bad.
If you can’t change something, change the way you think about it.
It is ok to show your true feelings. Share them with others.
Know inside what a unique individual you are.
GOD has given you an amazing spirit, let others share it.
Remember our song: You are my Sunshine
Remember our story: I will LOVE you FOREVER.
LOVE MOMMA

Growing Up

2007-07-19T14:18:00.000-05:00

I talked with my niece last night. She is having her first baby in January. She is 26 years old and a nursing student. It got me thinking about my mom. My mom passed away 5 years ago this summer. With the way she was with her grandchildren I can imagine how she would have been with a great grandchild. It really gets you thinking of your memories. I loved having her around when I had my son. We experienced so much together. She had never had an ultrasound when us kids were born or get to hear the heart beat. I was lucky enough to share all that with her. We were probbly together 5 days a week the first 3 years of my sons life. It makes you sit back and think about how you need to appreciate the things in your life. How short life can really be. When she passed away all I could think about was if she truly knew how I felt about her. Don't live your life with regrets. Tell people how you feel, don't hold back because you are embarrassed or afraid what their reaction will be. I still get a bit sad when i think about her & how much I miss her. Even at 41 years old I want my mom the most when I am not feeling well. I think my son got the best part of my mom and that is her big heart. But with being a boy he doesn't like showing it to much. I'm praying that will change.

A Good Wednesday

2007-07-18T19:42:00.000-05:00

Today I got to spend some time with my son, Mitchell, shopping for clothes. He is hitting another growth spurt. I can't keep up. He thinks it is cute to call me shorty now that he is taller than me. My friend Molly who just got out of the hospital called for some company while her husband got out of the house for a change of scenery. This whole deal with Molly got me thinking. My MS acted up not to long ago. When I was at my lowest my son looked at me and told me to remember that God doesn't give us more than we can handle plus I have the MS for a reason. I believe what he has said. Since I have been diagnosed I have helped many people fighting this disease and might have never met them otherwise. As for Molly, I would have been there for her no matter what but I may not have understood so well what she was going through. Not that I wish this disease on anyone but it ws a bit of a relief to have someone know exactly what I go through on a daily basis. We both have kept our sense of humor. I would tease her that I didn't like her so much because she could at least have surgery and be ok. I hope others can find some humor when they are going through a struggle. No it doesn't make it go away but it does help going through it a little easier. Also being aurrounded by good friends and family.

Glory to God

2007-07-16T16:12:00.001-05:00

Today my friend came home from the hospital. She had brain surgery on Friday. Now how crazy is that, that she can be back home 3 days later. If there are people out there that don't believe in God then they need to listen to some of the people from our church and hear about how God has worked in their lives these past few weeks. I know it has strengthened my faith.

Newbee

2007-07-16T09:02:00.000-05:00

I decided to start my own blog in hopes that I might be able to reach people that deal with situations I do and we can help each other through them. I don't know if I have high expectaions or not. I try not to. I try to live one day at a time. You can't change what tomorrow may bring. I am new at this tuff but learning more from my son. You know you feel old when your child can tell you how the electronics work. But I don't feel old yet. Actually my son helps me feel young. He keeps me going. But he also helps with the grey hairs too. Let's wait and see what today will bring.