Back on Track

Fall is here in IL. It is time to start a new season. I don't know if it comes with season changes or the weather but for the past week and a half I have been dealing with a.......I can't call it a headache. It was like someone was inside my head squeezing my brain. You know when you get a headache your whole head can hurt. Not this time. Not a migraine either, I have had those before. I was waiting it out to se if it would go away once the weather was consistant here. It took awhile but one day I woke up and this pain was gone as quickly as it came. I think that is one of the things that drives me crazy with the MS. Probably anyone with a disease or some kind of condition. Is it the disease or something else going on. I'm doing well now. Enjoying this fall season weather of middle to high 70's right now. Great sleeping weather at night. It is soccer season here and our little neighbor boys are all involved. So today again we go watch the little guys try and kick the ball. The one boy Elijah is such an athlete and he is 6. Football season is almost over. In about a week is the big rival game between the two middle schools. My son didn't try out for football this year but is excited to see the other team get creamed. Basketball try outs start in another week so we are getting ready for that. I love this time of year. I love to bake so the recipes come out for apple crisp, pie and a new apple bread recipe. Pumkin cookies and breads also. Soups to warm the heart. My neice gets married in a few weeks in Vegas. Sad that we won't be able to make it. I'm trying to keep spirits up because as much as I love this time of year it is hard because this was my moms favorite time also. we did so much together. That is probably why I love it too. Great memories. Hope everyone is starting down the path of feeling better. It seemed a rough couple of months there for so many.

How are you feeling?

I haven't written anything in over a week because I just feel like I am a blog sitting on the couch lately. I have been reading alot of your blogs out there and it seems there is a common thing going on. ANGER & FEAR. For myself I have trying to figure out what emotion is going on inside. I have had such a battle with myself since this last episode of MS. It was a big one. More like a reality check of having MS. I have been very fortunate with the disease as far as my symptoms and how many exacerbations I have had. This last one was like MS saying "Don't be so cocky, I'll get you too". Am I angry to have the disease, of course I am. It has taken away so much as far as time with my family or doing anything with my son. Like anything else it doesn't just effect you it effects everyone around you. I try to think of it as there are others out there that have it worse than me so quit being on the pity potty. Do I have fear with this disease, of coure I do. This last episode effected my mind in a big way. I couldn't even finish a sentence because I couldn't remember what to say. My son was worried there would be a time I wouldn't remember him. How does someone handle that. How do you look into your childs face and say it will be ok when you don't know what the future will bring. I pray all the time this disease won't get to bad before my son is grown and can be on his own if needed. You see I am divorced from my sons dad and they don't have the best relationship. (That is putting it lightly) If he had to live with his dad it would be.........I can't even find the words, it just turns my stomach to think about my son living without me. That is why I try and fight this disease every day and try to stay healthy with what I CAN do. But again this last one gave me a wake up call to say I don't have that much control. I am thankful I found so many MSers with their blogs. It helps to hear everyones story & what they go through every day. We are not alone even though the thing we have in common has to suck so much. Thanks to you all who have helped me with your comments. I appreciate your humor, insight & wisdom. Let's keep fighting together.

WHAT?

Ok here it is. My son comes home from school Friday and shows me & my hubby a kid in lunch gave him 20 bucks. He said the kid told him his parents gave it to him for his lunch account or whatever he wants it for. He didn't want it so he asked my son if he did. My son took it then thought a minute and said "ya know you should probably take this back so you don't get in trouble." Again the kid said no it is ok, if you don't want it I'll give it to Zach (my sons friend sitting next to him) Zach took it then said well if you really don't want it. Looked at Mitchell and asked if he was sure he didn't want it. So my son took it again. Mitchell said to the boy "Your not going to turn around and say I took it or be stupid about it are you? Some of the other kids at the table said he can't they all heard him. So my sons question to us was can he go spend it over the weekend. I guess this boy did this last year also but not so much money at one time. I am feeling really uncomfortable about this. I guess I am a bit in shock that this even happened. My first thought was that this boy was trying to buy a friendship. My son doesn't hang around this boy at all. Doesn't have any classes with him. He did eat lunch with him last year also. He did this last year with other kids. So how do you handle a situation like this with your child. I would love some opinions on it. My husband & I have been back & forth about it.

1st Week

Ok, we got through the first week of school. Mitchell was a bit bored. He just wanted the teachers to quit talking about nonsense and get to the work part. Who's child is this anyways? You know how that first week is with the teachers talking about what they are going to do this school year, expectations plus their rules. He is still liking his teachers(things can change in a week you know) He got his wish and had homework for two nights this week plus the weekend. I hate when he has homework. It is a constant battle to get him to focus on the work and get it done. Is this a boy thing or just a kid thing? He is so easily distracted. Most of the teachers have him filling out a paper about himself so they can get to know him better. It is hard to answer questions about yourself when your put on the spot. Unfortunately he goes to the dads house this weekend so I won't enjoy any fun time with him. He does come home at night so I will have a bit of time with him. I enjoy the evenings right before bed when he is fresh out of the shower and in the pj's. Even being a big 12 he likes to cuddle with his mom. This is when he usually opens up about what is going on and his feelings. I take it when I can get it. It gets real interesting when the 3 dogs try to get on the bed to.

School Day

Today was my son Mitchell's first day of the school year. He is in 7th grade now. Where does the time go. It seems not so long ago that I was dropping him off for preschool. It has become our tradition to go have ice cream after the first day and to share what his day was like. He likes all his teachers and has friends in all his classes. He was excited to learn in health class this year he will learn CPR and become certified. He learned about some field trips they will take this year including the big 7th grade overnight trip in the spring to Springfield IL to see some historic attractions. At my sons school they have classes that rotate every 8 weeks or so and this year they have a new class called world languages. So Mitchell found out the language he will be learning this year will be German. Of course he wanted something like Italian since my family is from Sicily. He wants to go there some day. I am really proud of my boy. He went to school with a positive attitude and hoping for the best. He says he feels this will be a good year. He is hoping to try out for the basketball team in October. Of course the coaches see the size of him and want him to try out. He is 5'7", last time we checked. One of the very few 7th grade boys that tall. He joined band again this year too. He is excellent on the trumpet. I don't know where he gets all this talent. Lets wait and see what exciting things happen this school year.

Fatigue vs Tired

When people hear you have MS and one of the symptoms is fatigue, they relate that with being tired. So why can't you take a nap and it will all be right again. If it was only that simple. Have you ever looked the two words up in the dictionary? They pretty much mean the same thing. In the MS world they are different. If you are tired you can most likely take a nap and be ready to go all over again. With MS and having fatigue it doesn't work that way, at least not for me. If for anyone else I would love to hear about it because I haven't met anyone with MS yet that can get over the fatigue. I was talking to someone last week about my son and how I have failed as a parent with discipline. I give my kid way to much slack and now that he is 12 I need to really buckle down and stick with the rules or he is going to get out of control. Don't get me wrong he is a great kid but like any other he pushes the boundaries and I let him get away with it to often. Most of the time it is because I am to exhausted to battle with him. It should be as simple as "I said no" and that is that. Does it really work that easy? Do I use my MS as an excuse? I didn't think so. But when the person I was talking to said to stop using my MS as an excuse, inside I wanted to blow. Sometimes I get pissed off with people that say things like that because how do they even know what I am going through. Because they have been tired before. Big deal! I would love to feel tired again. I used to be a single mom that would work an 8-12 hour shift at the hospital and still be able to clean, grocery shop, laundry and volunteer at my sons school. This has changed over the past couple years. I was the person that could live on only 4-5 hours of sleep and get everything done I needed to and still have the energy for more. So don't tell me to stop using MS as an excuse. My life has totally changed since the diagnoses and I am doing the best I can. Yea I should be doing things differently but just the words of using MS as an excuse keep running through my head and I can't let go of it. I am the one that wouldn't let anyone judge me because of this and would go overboard with everything I did so I wouldn't let this disease take me over. Now I have given in little by little because I can only do so much now without it taking me over completely. I think part of the anger is because my husband was sitting there during this conversation and didn't say anything in my defense. I will let this go eventually. I think just needing to vent has helped alot. Thanks to anyone who has listened.